


I'm sorry

by gaysontodds



Series: Because we’re not as okay as we seem. [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Badass dick grayson - Freeform, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Depression, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Family Drama, Hurt Jason Todd, Hurt/Comfort, Jason Todd Deserves Better, Jason Todd Has Daddy Issues, Jason Todd Has Feelings, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Has Mental Health Issues, Jason Todd-centric, M/M, NO CHARACTER CHANGE, No beta we die like mne, Post-Red Hood and the Outlaws #25, Protective Bruce Wayne, Protective Dick Grayson, Protective Roy Harper, Protective Tim Drake, References to Depression, Roy harper comes in later, Roy harper is done, Songfic, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, post-RHATO #25
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2020-10-11 23:37:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20554571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaysontodds/pseuds/gaysontodds
Summary: ❛❛ family is supposed to be our safe haven. Very often it's the place werewe find the deepest headaches. ❜❜ — iyanla vanzant.Life is subjective, not everyone is going to want to live through it, it could be painful just as it is beautiful. Making somebody go through life is just as selfish as you holding someone back from living it to their fullest. People should understand this especially when they're the one's causing the pain.Jason was always reminded of the subjectiveness of his life dutifully by his family. They held him back and drained him out, the tension that was always between all of them cemented a special type of irritation that grew to create more emotions that would push him down.  The unspoken words and unaddressed pain lingering in the background to fester in his mind, rotting it in the process. He was so tired of all of it, and it feels like his time was running out. He wished he could become numb to everything like everyone else was so good st doing but it simply amplified the oceans of hurt that rode in him.





	1. I'm sorry I couldn't be the person you wanted me to be

**Author's Note:**

> Okay , so this is my first depression fic . I wrote this a while ago , but I decide to rewrite it ever since I heard " I'm sorry " by joyner lucas ( which is clearly the song written with this fanfic )
> 
> Please tell me how it goes .
> 
> DISCLAIMER : VERY GRAPHIC SUICIDE ATTEMPT AND VERY TRIGGERING FAMILIAL TOPICS , DO NOT READ IF EASILY TRIGGERED ! I WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT !

**Location**: 1737 Park rd,Narrows, Gotham City . 

_ **( JASON'S APARTMENT )** _

**Date**: SEPTEMBER 20th , 2019

**Time: 9:32 p.m**

**( eastern time )**

* * *

_ **IM SORRY BY JOYNER LUCAS** _

**JASON'S POV  
** **THIRD PERSON.**

_____________________________

_ **Go ahead and call me a coward and say I'm not strong cause ' I'm not like you.** _

He stood wrapped around himself naked in just his boxers. He stared at his reflection in the dirty mirror that hung slightly tilted over the small sink of his miniature bathroom in his shitty one-bedroom apartment in the upper east side of Gotham.

_ **Go ahead and call me crazy cause I live in a maze. Tell me how about you?** _

His eyes were dull and hazed, as if all the life in him had been drained away, the look was nothing different from how it has been for the past few weeks, the only difference being the increase deterioration of his health making it more obvious .

His lips were pale and chapped up, every time he brushed them together a sting of pain had wrung through his body . His torso and thighs were littered in bruises and cuts from the nights before . His entire body ached and stung from the injuries . Though, he made no effort to ease the burning sore sensations away.

_ **I think I live in my head, sometimes I think that I'm dead** _

Although, the physical pain he felt bad become a needed substitute for touch, it kept him in reality. He sighed to himself, moving his head down . His hair was matted and knotted, it was pointy and frizzed in every direction. His bangs grown all the way down to the end of his nose, and his hair reaching down to his lower neck . He didn't bother to cut it no more, allowing it to hang over his face without care.

It's not like anyone needs to see how bad he looks anyways . His hair had become somewhat of a shield overhis eyes , helping him cover himself and avoid eye contact in his civilian life.

** _I hide behind my youth_ **

He had the bath running some water , the steam from the warm water began to envelop the small baby blue bathroom . The warmth of the steam was nice to his unnaturally pale skin, the steam battling out the coldness the night brought into his home, as his bruised arms started to uncurl from his chest.

_ **know I been losing my mind,** _

As the water has filled itself up in the tub . He looked down at the phone in the palm of his calloused hand. His family's contact message info open on the screen. The message he had wrote for his family waiting to be sent by a press of a green circle . He stood there contemplating whether to actually send the message to them .

  
  


' _would they even care_ ? ' he thought to himself, the basic question that never failed to come to mind when related to his family lingered around in his head . He sighed solemnly, he lowered himself to the floor . Deciding best to re-read the digital note that would soon be his last words to his family .

_ **I'm a little behind, step inside my shoes** _

**Wayne family, **   
** I write this note to you as my final goodbye to you all . In the next 48 hours, I will end the borrowed time that has been forced upon me and you guys . You all won't have to dread seeing my face again or walk on eggshells any longer around me any longer . I realized how selfish I was forcing myself back onto your lives with my differences . I decided best if I was just a memory to you all. Therefore , I am going to end my life for the greater good . It is not like I have done anything good in my time back.**

** _  
Cause I've never been happy with myself_ **

His hands trembled as he typed away on his phone fixing any mistakes he made in the note, his mind was a complete mess . He felt the walls he placed around his mind shattering into dust . No force of protection keeping him in place. There was no turning back now, he's in far too deep . His thoughts were already out on the screen , everything was set up so perfectly . He couldn't _pussy_ out now .

_ **And I don't need no one feeling bad for me** _

**Dick ,   
** ** Even if our relationship had been always rocky . You always represented everything I couldn't be, and I mean that with no malice . You represent what heroes are truly meant to be , you represent what it means to be strong mentally and physically , you represent that you can live two lives to the fullest with no regrets. The world needs more people like you , I want you to know I'm proud of you . I know it means nothing from me but I want you to know that . I'm sorry I was never able to be the brother or friend you wanted . Take care of the family , Alfred won't be here forever . I want you to have my safe houses , I think you'd do good for them** **  
**

_ **Trying to offer me pity and throw jabs at me** _

**Tim ,**   
** I never should have lashed out on you the way I did when I came back . You didn't deserve to deal with my family bullshit, my problems never included you. I want you to know that before I leave this earth, that I never hated you . Fuck - I was never even mad at you . I was mad at the idea of someone taking robin away from me , the idea of being forgotten and replaced . I was never able to grasp the fact that people ARE replaceable, until I learned the hard way . I know we've came a long way since then , and I just want to thank you . For being so patient and giving me a chance . Thank you for being my friend , my brother . I'm sorry I failed you too . It seems I failed a lot of people . Heh , it makes sense that I'm B's Biggest failure . I can't stop fucking up . Thank you, again . I want you to have my main apartment , It's located in Downtown Gotham on 34st street and Broadway . I know you'll find it in no time , Hope shit gows well for you timbers .**

_ **Wanna give me advice and then laugh at me** _

Memories washed over his mind about his younger brother . The way Tim snorted at his way too dark jokes , and how he always knew what was on his mind . He remembered the day he and Tim had snuck into the Gotham mall after hours.  
  
It was a quiet night in Gotham and nothing to do during patrol , so they just broke in through the back and just went into random stores and to try stuff on. He was sure the little brat stole a skateboard from zuimiez that night. He let out a bitter chuckle out of the memory . They sure did have a lot of good times together .

_ **Behind closed doors, just close the door.** _

**Damian ,**

**Demon brat :") , our relationship is, to say the least - complicated. You're a bit of a spoiled asshole most of the time, but you're smart and you have good people around you. You'll be just fine, just listen to Dick and Alfred, okay? You're lucky to have them around you. Please, stop being a little bitch to timbers , okay ? ( I doubt you'll listen to what I have to say but it's worth a try, I guess ) I see a lot of my old self in you , kid . Just don't die again please? I really don't want to be looking over in this family in the afterlife to see Bruce having another midlife crisis. Cool ? Cool . I want you to have my all blades , I would have never got them if it wasn't for your mother training me and sending me away. It seems fitting that you should have them, I also want you to have the rest of my weaponry set. I rather you have them, then for them getting into the hands of another monster worse than me.**

_ **Let me be by myself, just me and myself, I'm tired of living, I cry** _

**Cass,**   
** I am sorry about that one time, I nearly killed you. You're pretty cool I guess, never really got to know you. My death probably would not affect you at all, but I want you to know you're cool and that you're in a good family. I don't know what to give you, honestly. I guess you can have my room back at the manor if it's still there. I know they're plenty of other rooms at that big ass house, but it's pretty much decorated with some of my old shit. Maybe you'll find something you'll like**

_ **I hear it's easy to die, I wanna see for myself, and I know that sounds crazy to everyone else** _

' _Heh, funny how death can turn to a yard sale_ ' he thought to himself. Trying to snuggle up a smile to the witty joke in his head but failing, he was only able to let out a pained huff.

He moved slowly towards the tub, he crawled over to shut off the warm water that had filled his bath to the brim.

** _But I'm depressed as fuck, stressed as fuck, ain't no medicine that could cure what's the test as drugs._ **

**Duke, You and I have worked with each other a few times. You're pretty chill, I like that, you're clear-minded as well, something I like as well. I can tell the family likes you a lot, so don't think they don't. Remember what I told you that day on that mission, rule 4# in the Wayne family; You're not alone. You remember that, okay? You can have my clothes, it's mostly hoodies, dress shirts, sweats and jeans, but they'll fit you fine. I don't know if Roy or Kori would want any of my clothes. They probably wouldn't even fit either of them but still. Whatever happens, you can have them. Keep being chill I guess then dude, sorry we couldn't hang out more. Take care of Dick, god knows he has an explosive temper under pressure. That type of shit kind of runs in the family .**

** _mean, I need extra love_ **

He got up slowly up from his place on the tiled floor, putting his phone down . Everything felt so slow around him, maybe it was that his thoughts were finally written out and ready to be sent that made everything more relaxed and empty, or the fact that he was actually making this decision in terms of his life.

He never imagined that he would be in the state. That he would’ve decided to take his own life. He honestly imagined that his life would've just been him battling it out with the batman, or run around with the outlaws nearly getting blown up every week. Hell, if the universe liked him one day he thought he would just spend it with Roy, but of course he had to fuck things up between them. 

He didn't have the energy or the desire anymore. Everything felt outdated and replayed, he was tired of the same record playing in his life. He couldn't see himself getting out and it didn’t help that he also felt like he didn't deserve to get out either.

_ **And that ain't even enough,** _

It's so funny, how life events in life can change a whole man's perspective . Hehoped that during his death , Roy wouldn't be affected . Him and the man has been on and off for a while , he hoped that his death will end their fucked up cycle . He hoped Roy can move on or at least already has. He wasn't healthy for him with all the fucked up shit he has going on in his life. He didn't have a life worth spending time on but Roy did.

Roy was healthy and interesting , he was caringand smart. He made corny jokes,takes you out to cool places.

Heheld you when you needed to be held and loves you when you need love even if you don't deserve It. He was so patient, he would reassure him about the little things Jay would obsess over for the millionth time and talk to him even when he tried to push him away.

s_**aid that ain't even enough.**_

He breathed heavily to himself , stilling right infront of the items , he closed his eyes and reach out to grab the silver blade that laid sickly untouched on the sink counter and the orange bottle that contained white powdered capsules ( <strike>Duragesic</strike>).

He picked both of them up delicately, heading to place them on the counter of tub.

_ **And where the fuck is God? (God, god)** _

His messages were almost done, he still had a few things to touch base on. The motions circulating through him made it hard to finish though.

_ **Damn, maybe I ain't believing enough.** _

**Bruce ,**

**There’s not really much I can give to you . You and I were never meant to last , no matter how much we tried . I'm never going to be the son you want me to be and you're never going to be the father I needed , and that is okay . I've learned to accept that even if it was hard . I'm sorry I couldn't meet the standards of being robin or even be good enough as your son . I'm sorry that my second chance at life has been such a burden to you , I'm sorry that I've made myself such a criminal . I'm so fucking sorry that I can't give you anything I own because you took everything that mattered . You took my heart when you sliced that blade on my neck and , you took my soul when you took me back to the place I died . Though , it hurt when you did . I had my moments and when back because fuck I owed you , but I don't think I can go back anymore because you took my will when you ripped that bat out of my chest and dragged me through that rooftop . God knows my body most likely would've went with it , if it wasn't for Roy taking what was left of me away . That day everything became clear to me that you don't want me here , you never did , and I guess that's my fault again too . I don't have anything left to give you , dad . I'm sorry I can't give you anymore .**

_ **But today we gonna see if He's real** _

He gave a bitter chuckle reading the text. His relationship with the man he called a father was on text, he never thought he was capable of expressing the feelings he had, maybe it was the fact that he wouldn't have to deal with the stressful conversations after.

The disappointment that would be on his father's face, the dissmive wave and sharp words that would stab him. He wouldn't have to go through the path of being disowned once again. Jason found it funny how neither of his fathers wanted him.

_ **And if He is, then I guess I'm probably going to hell** _

Both of the men were alive and well , but neither seemed to care enough about him, taking the easy way out and throwing him to the side. He couldn't blame them either. God , knows he wanted to but he can't. He wouldn't, he didn’t have the strength to deal.

_ **Look, I ain't wanna die like this, I ain't picture my life like this** _

**Tell Alfred that I love him and that he deserves a vacation. He works way too much and doesn’t get paid enough to deal with our shit. You guys really need to trear him better , he gets to have my pride and prejudice book . He's the one to blame for my history book phase anyways . Please tell him , I'll miss him too .**

_ **They don't know what it's like to live like this** _

Part of him wanted to stay , if so for Alfred . Out of everyone , all he could think about is how him leaving could negativily impact the elderly man , he was aware that they were the closest of them all . He wondered though if Alfred would actually miss him , would he just bury the memories of his existence and stand by Bruce's side like the first time ? Or would he actually mourn him ? It was a highly selfish thought, one that made him hate himself more for allowing it to even cross his mind

_ **Pretending I'm happy so I can smile like this, and laugh like you** _

**Please , tell Roy thank you, and that I love him so fucking much. Tell him that he never deserved to be stuck with me, that he deserves more and that I'm so proud of him because fuck, I really am. Tell him I'm sorry for hurting him , I'm sorry for leaving . Its sounds cliché to say this but , it was never him . It was always me , He was the perfect man to me . Always there for me when I couldn't be there for myself , I was never the hero he wanted me to be for him . Please , just tell him I love him .**

_ **Sometimes I wonder if I ever act like you , Could I finally fit in and maybe relax like "woo!"** _

**Tell Kory that she's amazing and that I'm going to miss her smile. She always knew how to brighten the room with her energy and beauty. Tell her I'll miss braiding her hair and dancing with her . Tell her I enjoyed all the times she put flowers in my hair and did my nails even , when I complained to her about it . That I enjoyed her throwing me around and picking me up and her sleep flying . She was the best of us all.**

_ **Or would you feel lost without me? Cause honestly, I think the world is better off without me** _

**I want**-, ' _Fuck_ ' he thought to himself, as he placed his feet in the hot water, wanting to enter the tub slowly. He reached the maximum limit in words. His mind swimming for what seemed like hours but was just a minute before he pressed send of what was part of his final goodbye. His breathing wavered heavily, knowing there was no going back now. He already sent the message to all of them. God he never knew killing yourself would make a person so nauseous .

_ **And my mind's spinning, this is the line finish, truth is I don't care how they feel about my feelings.** _

A two minutes passed before he got a response from one member of his family, already typing the rest of his final peace. It was tim.

_ **I made up my mind, I'm going out like Robin Williams** _

**Tim: Jason? Jay, what's going on. where r u? Jason please, tell me this is a joke? Don't do anything stupid, please send me ur address.**

_ **I guess I'm not the Ordinary People of John Legend** _

He felt a wave of tears cloud his eyes like a wave of water splashing to his face. Wiping his eyes with the outer part of his wrist, he ignored the message. He continued to type everything. He needed to do this, like he thought before he couldn’t pussy out now. 

_ **And I've been suicidal since the day I was nine, shit. Okay, the day I was nine** _

**If you find my body, I would really want to be cremated and I want my ashes to be laid on my mother's grave....... She was the only thing that made me feel comfortable with myself. I rather not be buried on wayne grounds like before, I’m not a wayne nor will I ever be one. **

**Thank you :') ( SENT )**

_ **I've been tired of being bullied, couldn't stay out the fire.** _

Now Dick was the next one to respond , his older brother seemed just as worried as Tim.

_ **Grandma told me I should take it one day at a time** _

**Dick: Jason, please don't do what you're about to do. Let me call you, give us your address. Let me take care of you, anything. Just wait okay? I just got to the manor for the gala, I have my keys in my hand, okay? Jason, please talk to me. Talk to us.**

_ **And dammit, look at me now, fuck** _

His phone rang, Dick's contact popped up on his phone. Rubbing his eyes as he entered himself into the tub, allowing the warm water to envelop his bruised body. He ultimately declined the call . Dick texted back a few minutes later, along with the rest of the family.

**DICK: Jason, I got your address from Tim, okay? I'm on my way. I called 911 too, they're on their way as well, Jay.**

He placed the phone down to open the bottle of fentanyl pills to the side of the tub. 20 white pills laid out in front of him, enough to kill him within 10 minutes. Which was all he needed, grabbing the razor carefully to put to the side. An overdose with the help of a blade seemed fitting, both vices were used for his parent's death. Both for his own, was equally as lethal as well.

His phone rang again as he picked it up, this time it was Barbara. '_Hmm, guess they told her._ ' he thought to decline the message.

He didn't realize how much texts were coming in until he felt the phone vibrate more in his hands. Unlocking the phone, he saw that more of the family had seen his messages.

**Cass: Jason please, stop. Come home.**

**duke: bro , call me. I need you here with me , we all need you. I know it’s hard, the shit we do for a living isn’t that easy but you’re a force Jay. A**

_ **Look, just know it's a new day** _

_ **I'm sorry that I can't be strong anymore. It's just way too late for me. ( SENT )** _

_ **But if you reading this, then it's probably too late, bloaw!** _

Jason placed the phone down face up. Not bothering to read any more messages. He sunk deeper into the water as he grabbed the pills that laid next to him with a damn hand, 7 laid in his hand as he popped them all in his mouth. Swallowing them making the pills scratch down his throat.

' _7 down 13 left to go_ ' he thought, just being another mission to him. He looked over at his phone . 2 missed calls from Bruce, 5 from Tim, and 3 from Dick. His phone currently wrung from Roy. Fuck , Roy was calling him now? how much time was he fucking losing?

_ **Just make sure you tell my family it's okay, I'm sorry.** _

He breathed, grabbing the blade that laid next to the remainder of the pills. Sucking his breath before allowing the blade to go up through his right wrist, his pale yet tanned skin beginning to be covered with red. He let out a pained whine, tears rolled down his hazy blue- grey eyes. ' _This is it. Fuck, it hurt_s .'

_ **But I can't stay, I'm sorry, too much weighing on me** _

He lowered his head back, feeling his right wrist go mostly numb. Tears streamed down his cheeks all to his neck. He placed the blade down, using the rest of his strength to pop what seemed to be at least 5 other pills. The starch of the pills burned against his sore neck, his stomach was filled with a burning ache from the lack of food to be processed. The acid seemed to be burning at his insides. He pushed himself to grab the blade, with what he could of his right arm. The razor now pierced his left arm with a vengeance, the blade running deeper in his skin cutting away at his veins. Shaking heavily, he allowed himself to heave and cry. This would be his last moments, why wear another mask?

_ **I don't wanna live to see another day, I'm sorry** _

He did the job, feeling what the searing pain of whatever point he hit with his left arm. Allowing his arms to fall into the warm, now red water. The blade sunk down to the end of the tub like treasure chest dumped in the sea. 

His vision was clouded as he pushed himself further down into the water. He looked at the door as he sunk into the water. He felt the minutes pass by as he felt himself slip into death’s grasp. He heard the sirens that got louder the closer they got to his home. His eyelids feeling heavier, his legs and torso fell numb in the red liquid.He heard the pounding of his door, and possibly even the break of the said door .

It wouldn't make a difference anyway , he matched his mission. He allowed his eyes to close, too tired to fight them. He heard the bathroom door break, his name being called out was just an echo to him. He felt his whole body go numb like the life was being taken from them, he smiled softly , allowing himself to go into the abyss .

He remembered the calloused hand that touched his face as he fell off the deep end and the voice that came with it. It was Grayson .

" _SOMEONE HELP ME_ "


	2. HOW COULD YOU ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason's in the hospital , the family is all over the place and a mess . Dick and Bruce have a long needed talk .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLA GUYS , ITS YA BITCH BACK WITH AN UPDATE . I'm so sorry for not updating sooner , freshman year has been kicking my dumb ass UP . However , here I am with a new chapter . PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK IN THE COMMENTS DOWN BELOW 💛💛💛💛💛

**PREVIOUSLY on " IM SORRY " **

_It wouldn't make a difference anyway , he matched his mission. He allowed his eyes to close, too tired to fight them. He heard the bathroom door break, though his name being called out was just an echo to him. He felt his whole body go numb like the life was being taken from them, he smiled, allowing himself to go into the abyss._

_He remembered the calloused hand that touched his face as he fell off and the voice that came with it. It was Grayson ._

**" _SOMEONE HELP ME_** "

> * * *

*** GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL ***

**Location**: 2012 Madison St , Gotham City .

**Date**: September 21st

**Time**: 4:21 a.m ( eastern time )

DICK'S POV ( THIRD PERSON )

> * * *
> 
>   
_" The reason why dead people get more flowers than people who are alive is because regret is much stronger that gratitude "_ — _**unknown**_
> 
> * * *

** _I hope you got what you wanted_ **

The hospital room they were housed in was absolutely motionless. Dick didn't dare to move away from his comatose brother. The nurse that was in their ICU room along with them was re-bandaging Jason's damaged wrists, the lady avoiding any eye contact with the older brother out of respect and possible fear ticking dick off.   
The only thing that was heard was the prickly sounds of Jason's vitals spiking up at the pumping of his heart enveloped the entire room like a fucked up euphony.

_ **I hope you finally happy, it's too late for you** _   
  


Dick loomed over his brother's bed, his eyes looking down at the still body that laid there. His brother was alive, but he didn't look anything near it.  
Why was it that he was strapped down to a hospital bed with respiratory tubes down his throat and with at least 10 different machines on him helping him stay on the surface? Why was it, that the life support his brother was on for his survival made him look more of a lab rat than a human? 

Like he was some type of dead dog that was donated for science? Why did it have to come to this point? Would his brother even live for tomorrow? Or would his breath be lost once again and the family will have to wear black in the rain as they placed their once family member back into the ground, six feet under?

_ _   
_ **Been going out of my mind** _

All the questions he asked himself remained unanswered, as Dick was unable to answer any of them, as he couldn't and / _wouldn't_ / know any of the answers to them.  
He wasn't paying attention to anything of what the doctor had told him. It was basically impossible to go focus right now. After he just witnessed what they have done to save his baby brother's life, they had finished pumping Jason's stomach and stitching his brother up like a stuffed doll.   
It wouldn't make a huge difference anyway, it's not like it's the first time he doesn't pay attention when it comes to Jason.  


He wasn't paying attention when Bruce and Jason argued for hours till their voice goes hoarse and one of them runs out visiting frustrated to the point of a meltdown, in the library or the cave.

He didn't pay attention when Jason seemed to less consistent with defending his territory **OR** when his brother wasn't at family meetings like he used to. He ignored it when Bruce and Tim sent the cases that were too much of a ' _burden_ ' or ' _too far away_ ' for their liking to Jay to deal with, not wanting to put into consideration that it could be too hard for him too, the one who went through years of abuse, the one who died one of the most horrific deaths a person could imagine.

The one who was put into situations where nearly all of his family members yelled at him and gave up on him because of his temper and the limitations he has. The one who probably has the most demons to deal with already, SO LET'S JUST ADD MORE BUT THIS TIME WE WON'T DEGRADE HIM, JUST GIVE HIM A PAT ON THE BACK AND SAY " _YOU DID GOOD, SEE YOU SOON_. ". 

He ignored the tiny signs that his brother tried to show them that he was hurting, that he was sorry, that he needs help, and needs them. He was too blinded by Jason's poker face and steel-cut attitude, he was too blinded by Jason's razor-sharp edges, he was too blinded by Jason's past and their two side brother rivalry for bruce that he actively ignored any type of needs his baby brother had.He should've been a better brother and be there for him, not let everyone stomp all over him and fuck him over like a piece of shit.

_ **You don't know how many times I did pray for you** _

The way Jay would flinch when Bruce would come close to him, the times he would come to the manor and sick himself to Alfred's side immediately. How none of his suits fit him anymore because they were too big for his new way to the slim body frame, and how he blamed it on how he always was a lanky person, that it was just the pit that gave him that extra body mass. How at family dinners he never spoke unless he was spoken too and the shake of his legs. 

How anytime they tried to include him in a photo or video, which was slim to never, Jay looked like he was at the brink of meltdown. With his irritation levels skyrocketing and the increase in fidgeting. Jason would become so paranoid and extremely closed off too. 

How dainty his arms became in an incredibly scary amount of time. How he always looked so tired and so fucking sad. How he, the one who always fucking ate the kitchen up, barely fucking touched his plate. 

  
The list can go fucking on and on, as every single scenario, every single thing he tries to ignore, just all came crashing down on Dick's mind like lightning crashing down.

_ **I hope you hear me, goddamn it** _

All the signs and tells from the past few months came to the realization a few days too late. As now his eyes were sealed tight on his brother's lanky frame, his eyes burned dry from the lack of rest and blinking. He was much too afraid to blink out of the fear of death running past him and carrying out his brother for the second time. Dick felt like his mental state crashed and burned itself off the face of the earth, the image of his brother's death-like form replayed in his head like a recorder. He couldn't think straight, he doesn't know who to trust anymore. Who to let in and who to lean on. Who he should kick out the minute someone who has hurt his Little wing, tries to come in all fucking sorry with crocodile tears. Should he even be here? Should he even feel hurt after everything he put Jason through as well?

_ **Cause I got so much shit that I wanna say to you** _   
  


The metallic scent of blood and sweat swarmed around the room from dick's clothes. The white dress shirt and Grey slacks he wore was dyed in the dried metallic red of blood, from the pool of Jason's blood and water from the bathtub he had carried his brother out of.  
  


The sweat from his back and his underarms from when he carried Jason's body three stories down to the medics, too frightened to go too fast out of fear of dropping and hurting the already fragile body in his hands. From the Minutes that felt like hours, and the hours felt like minutes, to him at the moment. All his senses were directed at his little brother.

He didn't even know how to process anything, he's BEEN through this, he's fucking Nightwing, he has come across so many suicidal cases and at times he was too late but none of them felt like this like at any minute HE would end it all if one thing goes wrong, like his body was, too, weak and fragile, and any wrong move would be the end of his lifetime.

_ **I used to shine, now I'm all in the dark** _

A large hand presses against his shoulder out of nowhere. Dick fails to suppress the jolt that suffered through his entire body. His head Darting to the direction of the owner of the limb.

_ It was Bruce, fuck _.

The man looked horrible, his skin was paler than it usually was and that tends to speak volumes because Bruce is typically pale as fuck. The black circles around his eyes seemed more visible due to the pink puffiness around the elder's eyes, his eyeballs were bloodshot and dull. 

His Armani dress suit was matted up and disheveled, his usual neat tie was broken and wrinkled, small stains around the white button-up shirt. God, he looked like fucking crap. Behind him was Timothy and Stephanie, the boy looking no better than their father. Tim, with his tie nowhere to be found. His white shirt was unbuttoned, giving site to the classic wifebeater under that was wrinkled and pulled, the blazer tied around his waist as his eyes were red and puffy.

His long onyx locks messed up and all over the place, he looked like he had finished having a breakdown, which dick wouldn't put too far knowing Timothy, the poor boy probably being the only one who actively tried to be close to Jason even after the way Jason originally treated him.

The only one who seemed to look even mildly presentable was Stephanie, her lavender jumpsuit intact and hugging her body as her beautiful blonde hair hung nicely in a bun, her makeup didn't seem to falter even though you can actively see the hurt and fear wither through her body.

**I remember I used to tell you to follow your heart**

All he could do was gape and blink at the three in front of him. Heedless for words as he felt the large pang of pressure that hit his chest. A powerful mixture of emotions went through his at the sight of the rest of his family, the scene of Jason's dying body, and the text messages he got from the night hitting him all over again for what seems to be the millionth time today. All the words that were meant for the others highlight itself in his mind. They were all just as guilty as he was. One of them, way more than the rest.

_ **But goddamn it, look at you now, it's all of your faults**_

" Dick. " Bruce's voice rasped out, the shocking amount of emotion and energy that tied the words visible to all in the room. It was obvious that this act had hurt their father deeply, even after everything they've been through Jason was his son too, just as much as the rest of them, maybe even more in certain scenarios. He'd been the son he got away to emotionally attached and lost so many times.

The one that Bruce legally and emotionally can call him, because there was no other man in jay's life he had to measure up to. Unlike, dick or Tim, Bruce taught Jay how to tie a tie, he was the first one to teach him how to ride a bike, he was the first one to take hin to the movies and spoil him with treats, he was the one who gave Jason his first moment to be spoiled. 

He was the one to help him with his homework and take him to the doctor, he was the one who RAISED his boy until his death. Jason was the one who handed him a parent / worst / nightmare, even if it wasn't his fault. Jason was the one who gave him the pain of seeing your kid hate you.

The suffering and confusion of asking himself before bed " where did he go wrong ?". Jason Peter Todd was the one that gave Bruce the biggest Joys and the biggest pains of his LIFE. Even if in reality, Bruce had been a shitty fucking parent to Jason, he was also the best one he had and Bruce had to live with that contrast.

  
Bruce's oceanic eyes gazed Jay's body with a grimace. Not sure how to handle about the situation at hand, he was at a loss of words, because he too, was asking himself the big questions that dick had been asking himself not too long ago. He too, was in the same constant fear he was in that at any moment Jason would be gone.

  
" how has he been holding up? " Bruce asks, his words ragged out, you can tell the man's voice all used up, his eyes stayed on Jason when he had asked.   
  


_ **How could you?** _   
  


The question that swayed out the man's mouth taking up the weight of the entire room. There were a lot of answers to the question honestly, all of them pretty much negative in the sense of the situation.

_ **Maybe it's my fault** _

All Dick was able to do was gaze over the man and his little brother. Left with no words for the situation, he tucked his head down.  
It seemed like that was all that was needed to be shown as Bruce let a pained sigh leave his lips and a pained grimace turned over his face. Dick looked over to Tim who was already flying out the room with Stephanie calling out his name within seconds, the door slamming right behind him.

_ **I shoulda paid more attention to what you been doing** _   
  


Dick shivered at the slam of the door, him and Bruce now alone until more visitors decide to join. Bruce's hand receded from his shoulder into his pocket. For moments, they just both stood there looking at Jason. What words can you put together to mend such a heartbreaking situation?

** _Maybe I should have been more of an influence_ **

" Why are you here, Bruce ? " the words just slipped out of his mouth bluntly, his voice was calm and soft but his words hit like a bullet hitting the neck. Bruce's turned to dick quickly, looking at his son with shock and offense. 

_ **I can't believe that you're dead, I fu-** _

" Why am I here ?" He mocks, his tone hurt and angered " why the fuck would you ask that ? My son is laying in a hospital bed hooked up to multiple _IV'S_ and tubes are stuck into him . He tried to commit suicide — ". He yelled out, his voice barely maintaining any ability to control himself. The cracks that came with his defense. Dick cut him off just as loud.  
" What difference does it make to you, Bruce? Didn't you put him in this same position a few months ago ?" He breaks, emotions enraging his voice, as tears dripped down like waterfalls, his face churned in hurt. Bruce taking a step closer to his son out of desperation, all dick could do was stagger back, his arms pushing the man away to keep a distance.

_ **I read your letter and all I could do is have mixed feelings about it** _   
  


" You got what you fucking wanted, he stepped down, Bruce. He needed love so bad that he thought that taking himself out was the only way he could get it, even if he wasn't here to see it," he screamed out, it was like a fire enacted in him just for this moment.  
" Fucking hell Bruce, YOU did this to him. We all had a place in this but you were the one who really fucking did it. You have the whole HERO community fucking against him, Bruce. Made his whole career a fucking warning of what not to be. Fuck Bruce, even at his purest, when he was fucking Robin. An accident that wasn't even his fucking fault. You made him a _CAUTIONARY TALE, a fucking RULE BOOK OF WHAT NOT TO BE ._ " he shrieked out, his voice's pitch skyrocketing. Every word, every syllable shooting out of his mouth like bullets into Bruce's spine. He went for his fucking liver, trachea, heart, and soul.

_**But I'll forever be attached to you, damn**_

His body shook the more he talked, hitting worse because he knew he had a play in all of this as well. Finally, speaking the truth made it real. Saying it made everything they did validly, and it ripped him apart. He didn't care who the fuck heard them, god everyone should know who they were and how badly they treated their own family 

" Dick please — " Bruce choked out, his father, the usually stoic, at the brink of fucking tears of the revelations that have been opened. Though, he continued even if it fucking broke him too. Jason was laying on a hospital bed because he waited too long to speak up, it was crucial that it needed to be said.

_ **Part of me feels bad for you** _   
  


" _AND HE HAD TO LIVE EVERYDAY WITH THAT_ " the shriek echoed throughout the room, pointing to his baby brother.

" let's talk about how he has been alive for over 5 years already and we only have 2 family pictures with him? But we have already gone on over 20 missions with him?_ ADD THAT THE FUCK UP_. — _OR — __OR_ How he never interacts with us unless it's recon or we're on the field about to get fucking plummeted . " he paused for a breath.  
  
  


_ **Apart of me feels like you weak and I'm mad at you** _   
  


" or how every time he came home for a family dinner he looked like he was going to shit his fucking pants? _OR_ better yet how he looked so scared _OF **YOU**_. I'm not going to lie to you bruce, I wasn't really paying attention to jack shit of what the doctor was telling me. Yet, I remember one thing the doctor told me and it was that Jason was recently diagnosed with Bipolar disorder no less than a year ago. _WE'RE THE WORLD'S BEST DETECTIVES BUT WE HAD NO CLUE THAT WE HAD A BROTHER WHO NEEDED MENTAL HELP. _ Bruce, _we **DID** THIS TO HIM_. " He roared, his left foot slamming into the ground with such a force.

_ **And I don't mean to be insensitive** _

His breathing was jagged as glared at his father, looking for the answer from the broken-down man. Bruce was still, mouth agape as he stood vulnerable, his beach curled hair sticking out from the lack of gel and hair care onto his face. His body shook with tremors. Dick knew he hit all the right spots and god he felt like shit afterward. With the silence he let out a sob, his legs giving out from under as he fell down to the floor. Hands traveling to his hair as he gripped it, sobbing.

_ **But I don't understand how we couldn't prevent this shit** _

" I'm so sorry, dick "

_ **You took the easy way out** _

" I'm not the one you should be saying sorry too "

_ **Goddamn it, you dead** _

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACK — HOW WAS THE CHAPTER ? PLEASE TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS DOWN BELOW ! 💛💜💛💜💛💜💛💜💛💜💛💜💛💜


	3. Who do you think you are ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce's perspective after the argument .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS GUESS WHO'S BACK !!  
Okay so due to the coronavirus , I am officially home full time to work on this story and give it my UNDIVIDED ATTENTION !
> 
> Which means , more chapters , LONGER chapters , more description etc. Since , I have nothing better to do with my coronacation .
> 
> I also would like to apologize if this chapter feels rushed or slightly out of character . I'm not used to writing Bruce as I am with Dick or Jay and I really wanted to capture the essence of how the flood of emotions he's probably feeling . I know this story has a big contrast on what we are used to in the comics ( EVEN THOUGH ITS HEAVILY BASED OFF OF IT ) .
> 
> I Also apologize for any grammar mistakes , even though I checked it like 10 times . I'm running on red bull because I haven't slept at all in the past 36 hours working on this .
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoy !!!

** _PREVIOUSLY ON " IM SORRY " _ **

**HIS BREATHING WAS JAGGED AS GLARED AT HIS FATHER** , _looking for the answer from the broken down man . Bruce was still , mouth agape as he stood vulnerable , his beach curled hair sticking out from the lack of gel and hair care onto his face . His body shook with tremors . Dick knew he hit all the right spots and god he felt like shit afterwards . With the silence he let out a sob , his legs giving out from under as he fell down to the floor . Hands traveling to his hair as he gripped it , sobbing ._

_ **But I don't understand how we couldn't prevent this shit** _

_" I'm so sorry , dick "_

_ **You took the easy way out** _

" I'm not the one you should be saying sorry too"

* * *

> ❝You don't know what goes on in anyone's life but your own , and when you mess with one part of a person's life, you're not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can't be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person's life , you're messing with their entire life. ❞
> 
> _**\- JAY ASHER**_

* * *

_ **BRUCE'S POINT OF VIEW ** _

**THE WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY CONGREGATED IN THE MIDDLE - SIZED** **HOSPITAL ROOM**. Where their fallen robin laid healing. The intensive care unit room was silent with grief and doze. Whilst, they were all monitoring Jay's progress intensively. 

It has been approximately 12 hours after the attempted suicide had happened. Approximately 11 hours have passed since he was admitted and lastly, 5 hours ever since the argument between Bruce and Dick.

He and Dick had both stayed across from each other. Both believing that it would be best to stay apart as the tension in the room between them was still so thick you can slice it with a butter knife. Although, they had both stayed close enough to react to any occurring events concerning their hospitalized family member. Dick choosing to place a chair right next to his younger brother on the right side of the beige and white hospital bed. Monitoring Jason likes a hawk, visible circles starting to form under Dick's blue oculars because of the lack of sleep the younger man really needed.

Right next to Dick was Damian, who was fast asleep with his head rested on Dick's shoulder. His youngest had his feet on top of the bar handles of the bed, as his hands were buried in his green hoodie. The poor kid was so / _TIRED_ /, _fuck_ — anyone in his shoes would. He shouldn't have had to be in this mess so young, should never have to see someone close to him in such a state. Damian had been so closed off coming into the room, his shoulders tense, hands in his hoodie's kangaroo pocket, his face was so hardened with his signature scowl <strike>_( _</strike>_trying to ignore and push through _<strike>_)_</strike>. In spite of the hard exterior, once his eyes had enveloped the site in front of him. His manner had changed hastily to vulnerability. His shoulders had slumped in defeat, his right side falling to his side loosely. Bruce would never forget the way Damian's face softened and how his body just unclenched itself as if it had no more strength left.

Bruce sat on the far left corner of the room, in one of the cushioned seats that were in the room, on the right seat next to him was Cass, who was awake and calm, her still and focused demeanor made her seem invisible. Her head laying on his shoulder as his eyes laid fiercely on her brother.

Alfred had chosen to stay home, deciding to take care of the responsibilities back at the manor and the public. Though, it was perceptible that it was just too much for the older man. Duke stayed with him, offering assistance to the elder, especially for handling the public. Bruce will make sure to thank him properly later, that boy was a true _BLESSING_ to this family. He would also make a mental note to thank the boy for his patient and calm composure, he truly took one for this family

On the other side next to Bruce was Stephanie, who had changed to more comfortable clothes, swapping the well kept lavender bodysuit for champion sweats and a Nike hoodie. Her face was now ridden with the makeup she wore hours before. Most likely due to Alfred, supplying her and Tim with a healthy amount of necessities for the family. Another person he'd had to thank later for their support. He laid his head back onto the window, his tired eyes on Jay and Tim.

Tim laid right next to Jason on the hospital bed, his small frame fitting like a glove. His head on Jay's chest and his arms around the older's waist as he snored softly, careful not to touch any machines or wires. 

Bruce's heart tightened at the sight of his two sons, his mind was clouded as he tried to push down the emotions that were surging through him, still combating the emotional sensations that enfolded him during his conversation with his eldest son.

The conversation was so clear in his mind. ' _He needed love so bad that he thought that taking himself out was the only way he could get it, even if he wasn't here to see it_. ' He loved Jason with his heart and soul, dick and Jason should have known that. Jason should've seen that he loved him even with all their plethora of problems, he never should've been so starved of it. ' _Made his whole career a fucking warning of what not to be ._' Jason was reckless and aggressive during his days as Robin and even as a red hood, he tried the best that he could with Jason. _What was he supposed to do? _

No one seemed to realize just how vastly Jason's death affected him in ways only a parent in this lifestyle of theirs could only understand. He could only take the lessons and signs he's learned from Jason applied them to his other children, so that he wouldn't see them HURT like that ever again. So that he wouldn't have to carry another anvil on his back, because God knows it'll _break_. 

His head hurt so fucking bad. Will the kind nurse give him an aspirin if he asks nicely? ' _What difference does it make to you, Bruce? Didn't you put him in this same position a few months ago ?_' Fuck — he needed all of this to just stop. His headache won't fucking leave if he kept thinking about this shit. 

Those two situations were no were _near_ compatible, Jason was out of control that night and he needed to be subdued or else god knows what would've happened, what Jason would drive himself to do. He did that out of love for his baby boy, he needed to be corrected and he wasn't going to just sit there and do nothing after he just broke his PROMISE. Hell, weren't they good when they met in that dingy diner? He told Jason that he cared for him that night, he assured him that he was his father. How blunt does he have to be to show his love?

His son trying to murder himself is not, in no way, his fault. He was a great father to Jason, especially when he was younger. He and his son were so close, they went to basketball games biweekly, he picked him up, they stayed up all night on Saturdays watching movies together. He remembered Jason's smile in his head so clear, it resembled exactly of a Cheshire's grin. The mischief and radiant chaotic attitude dripping from it, the way it took up his entire face and brightened it as if it were a lightbulb. He remembered his laugh of then and now. How before it was boisterous and cackly, and now it was more subtle and mature though with its mischievous charm like everything that comes with Jay, it was more like a sarcastic chuckle.

He knows with Jay's resurrection, it has been difficult to bond with the man. Nevertheless, he always tried to keep an open relationship to the best of his abilities, it was always up to Jason to take in that and make the decisions. He never tried to treat Jason differently than the others.

Dick was /_wrong_ /, he Doesn't _KNOW_ the pain he's been through with Jay. He doesn't know the full story of the fight he and Jay had during his return. He doesn't know about the ultimatum that was forced on him by Jay. _How was he supposed to break the main rule he has? The only thing that draws the line between him and the villains he puts away?_

He had to deduce the situation and yes, maybe he was in the wrong for throwing the Batarang at Jason's neck. He wanted the situation to escalate so out of control — He just wanted everything at that moment to take a moment and break. The whole situation was pointless and taken out of context. Jason was out of control and his lack of inhibitors went on to poison him.

' _IT'S EITHER HIM OR ME, BRUCE_ ' He chose Jay, he truly did. Theymay not see it yet, but it was always jay and no matter how much his son refuses to see it, it will always be jay. He was just a man, a man _who_ washurting for his resurrected SON, who for reasons came back _DIFFERENT_. He still is a man, who's still learning and taking his lessons day by day.

_Does that make him a bad father? _

THOUGH BRUCE WILL ADMIT, HE WAS IN THE WRONG OF WHEN HE AND JASON WENT TO ETHIOPIA. He never should've subjected his son to that, he never should've subjected ANY of them to his own grief. Bruce knows he's a destructive man when driven by the grief of his loved ones, his sorrow can make the most powerful cities tumble into the pebbles of the earth. Losing another son was no exception to the rule. Nonetheless, his own family should've never been the company to his misery. He'd mentally thank them for being his anchor every day for it.

Though, they all also had to understand that he WAS also very desperate and in need of his youngest child back. At the moment, he was a man driven by greed mixed with multitudes of grief and a mortal man who limit contained him. JASON was the exact opposite, his baby Jason was a one-man machine-driven of empathy and assertion, twisting his tragedy and raw emotions to the diesel fuel that empowered himself to exceed his own limits and reversed his own mortality. If his son could do that, would it hurt to try and recreate that for his other son who was in need of his father? 

_HE WAS TRYING GODDAMN IT . WHY CAN'T A MAN COMMIT A SIN FOR THE GREATER GOOD ?_

He grounded the thoughts in his head , feeling his breathing falter . He couldn't slip in front of his childre, at least not in front of all of them at once.

He glanced down at both girls next to him, both of who he considers his daughters <strike>_( _</strike>_even if he won't admit it about Steph, since she has a father_ <strike>_)_</strike>. How beautiful and strong they were, Steph looked like she was going to pass out sooner or later and Cass, well, she was quite unreadable, but that was alright. He knew or so hoped, that if anything was gnawing her, she'd talk to him. He allowed his eyes to look over at Dick, who made eye contact with him, though it was fleeting, his saw his oldest was deteriorating inside slowly. The pain was obvious all over his expressive face, it was normal for Dick to go into such states after a tragedy occurs.

He sighed sitting up, catching the attention of most of who were awake. Glancing over the room before speaking. After all, he is the head of the family. They look to him for word, especially when things get tough. 

" Ahem . " he began, preparing his throat. " The doctor should be in here soon to give us a synopsis on Jay's health. The doctor will also come in to give us information for going his treatment and care to make sure this / _never_ / happens again. " He informed the group. Thankfully his words were solid and informative, unlike what was going inside of him. Which were internal trembles and uncertainty, his eyes locked on Jason until a surprising individual spoke.

" How sure are you that Jay is going to live ?" Tim's sentence was barely audible, his tone groggy from sleep and monotone from grief and sadness. Nonetheless, his crafted words raised volumes. The older man was so unsure how to respond, unable to speak because what was he supposed to say to his 17-year-old kid? He can't make the promises he wants because he knows damn well he couldn't make sure of it.

" Jay's gonna be fine, Tim. He's been through worse and he's really strong ." Dick was the one to speak, as always. He mentally praised his oldest for taking charge of the conversation, he truly wasn't equipped for any of this. The answer seemed to satisfy Tim as he stayed quiet. Richard was always so good at the art of reassurance, so careful of words he picked. His tone was always so calming but affirmative, he never needed to strike fear or show off to get people to listen to him. Bruce was so proud of the strong man he became and thanked whatever higher power there was that he never struck any damage that wasn't repairable on him. 

  
He continued to speak after his son, deciding it was best if he took the lead — " We all need to be strong physically and mentally for what's going to be coming after, and of course for Jay . " he finished, his voice watering slightly at the end. He felt as Cass grabbed his hand in hers in comfort, he squeezed her smaller hand gently in gratitude. He saw the shake of Dick's head, frowning, he hastily pushed the thought out. 

" I'm really hungry " Stephanie was now the one to blurt out, looking up to Bruce with her puppy dog eyes . and as if to gang up on him all of them spoke in sync. 

" me too " Cass whispered, a small innocent smile glimmering her face. " I wouldn't mind some stuff from the vending machine " Time spoke hazily, most of them spoke, only two members' opinions were missing. 

" Dick ? " he asked his eyebrows raised in curiosity towards his eldest. For a moment there was silence, tension building up as seconds passed.

" I could eat " was all he said, though it was enough for Bruce. He motioned to stand up, brushing his wrinkled suit. He looked over at Jay for what felt like the thousandth time. He checked his pockets for his wallet, which of course was secure in the inside of his tux. " Text me all that you want, I'll be back in about 7 minutes," Bruce said, nodding towards them. He made a motion for the door, though halted at the sound of Dick's voice.

" make sure to bring something for Damian, He's gonna be up soon " 

For once in the past 24 hours, Bruce felt like everything was going to turn out okay. 

* * *

**BEING RICH IS HARD.** He stood in front of the vending machine rummaging through his wallet for any small bills, seeming to find none. He huffed angrily in defeat, leaning against the machine. The lowest bill he has is a 50 and he needs at least four 5's to get everything his kids told him to get. It wouldn't have been such a problem if there wasn't such a high chance that there are most likely multiple reporters trying to get the latest scoop on the latest Wayne family drama, the insensitive bastards. 

Although, across the oblivious billionaire sat a middle-aged man, looking around in the late '30s. His mostly black hair combed back but seemed to be unruly.

The salt and pepper scruff only seemed to be weeks old, he wore a black leather jacket and ripped work jeans as if he did construction. His boots helped no less as they were run down timbs matted with paint. Dark of face with sharp and pleasurable features.

However, was now so tired and worn, as if he's seen way too many things in such a short lifespan. Dark circles around his hazel eyes, he looked up at the distressed billionaire across from him. 

" Having money troubles? " He asked cautiously, but with a joking undertone. One of his brunette eyebrows raised in curiosity, with his left arm supporting the weight of his head. He merely catches Bruce's attention, as the other man looks at his as if he was disturbed. 

He looked confused at the unknown man, not hearing the question he had asked. " What ? " he asked in confusion, his wallet still in hand. The man motioned his left hand to Bruce's wallet and then to the vending machine,

" Money troubles with the vending machines ? " he repeated, his manner unbothered. 

Bruce looked at his wallet then the vending machine, before the thought clicked ._ ' oh yea that_ ' he thought. 

" Oh yea, my kids want something to eat but I just have a fifty ." He informs the man across from him, his voice different. 

The man nodded as if he was thinking before taking out his wallet. Bruce looked puzzled at the action, the man rummaging through his own wallet, before pulling out a 20, a 10, Three 5's, and two 1's and then counting the amount. 

" This is all I have on me, can you take 47 ? " the man asked thoughtfully, motioning to get up. Bruce nodded, pulling out the fifty from his wallet, closing it.

" Thank you, I really appreciate it. " gratitude laced his words as he motioned towards the now standing man. ' Okay progress, thank god ' he thought to himself, they exchanged the money, Bruce putting his hand out to shake the man's hand. The unknown man took his hand and shook it firmly

" Anytime man " he smiled " Gotta look out for another, especially when it's in an Emergency waiting room " He jokes, Bruce can't help but let out a bitter chuckle at that one.

" Yea, if you don't mind me asking? What are you in for ?" Bruce couldn't help but ask, his head cocked to the side. Maybe listening to what this guy's here for would take his mind off recent events. 

The man was slightly taken aback at the question but answered anyways untethered. Looking away to the side

" Uh . . My kid . . . had a bad accident on his motorcycle, found out through a family member " He lowered his, hand on his neck. Bruce still couldn't get a read on his face though his words were laced with worry. He frowned feeling sympathetic for the man, he probably a wreck on the inside, much like how Bruce is in the moment. 

" I'm sorry to hear that " his words laced with concern and empathy for the man, nodding thoughtfully. 

" What about you? " He asked, catching Bruce slightly by surprise even though it really shouldn't. He had just asked the same exact question not even two minutes ago. 

" Oh . . " Bruce spaced out for a second, should he lie? Should he say the truth? How would that come out? How can he even try to word it ?

' _oh yea my kid just decided to try to kill himself because of family troubles, his older brother carried him 4 ? 5? Stories down. Canceled my whole night over it but he's in good care !! ' _

yea . . . _no_. 

The man seemed to catch notice about to say something, probably to tell him to forget it but Bruce cut him off answering. " My second son tried to kill himself," he said bluntly, the words coming out of his mouth like dust but hearing the words come out felt like glass shards to his ears. Reality hit him like a fucking brick for what felt like the tenth time today, he just told a stranger his son tried to kill himself. _what the fuck ._

The man flinched at his words as if it resonated with him the same way it hit him. " Damn, I'm sorry to hear that, " he says voice feel with empathy, possibly more than what Bruce gave out to him. Bruce let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair.

" Yea, no. Thankfully we got to him on time ." He says, the words rolling in his head . ' this time I was on time ' he thought to himself. ' _Hopefully, this time counts the most '_

They both look at each other before they awkwardly pull apart. Bruce heads to buy the snacks his kids had asked for with the change he received from the man. Pulling out his phone to see the texts of who wants what, only to find more than what he expected. His phone was blasted up with messages from his colleagues and missed phone calls_ ' Five missed calls from Clark, ten from Diana, two from Oliver, three from Dinah, spam of texts from Hal and barry, when did Hal get my number ? '_ he thought to himself, sighing to himself, his right hand rubbing his head in search for relief. He shoved his phone in his pocket and began to get the snacks from the vendor.

Three minutes later, he finally, he has all the snacks, he swaddled them in on arm before motioning towards the room.

" Hey ! " the man called out, Bruce stopping in his tracks to look back. His right eyebrow raised in confusion. " Yea ?" He asked confused 

" What's your name ?" The man asks, blinking softly. Bruce waited a moment before responding " Thomas ." he lies, if the man is asking for his name he must not recognize him. He really didn't want to ruin that, he felt like he already opened up and that was already stupid of him " You ?" 

The man nodded before responding hesitantly " Name's James " He said, smirking at Bruce. 

" Thank you again, James," Bruce said softly, nodding at the man. " Anytime, Hope to see you around," he says, finishing the conversation. Bruce began to walk away, their conversation slowly escaping to the back of his mind.

Little does he know, _he'll definitely see him around. _

* * *

" okay I got all the snacks , but i don't know who's snacks is who's . So it's a free for all " his voice passive as he enters the room , though he stops midway at the door. 

He enters the room to see that all of his were now very much awake , with the exception of Jay . A tall red-haired woman with Grey eyes and who looked like she was in her mid - thirties was also in the room , clipboard in hand as she smiles sympathetically at him .

" Mr . Wayne ! Good to see you here .I have some updates on your son ." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hoped you guys enjoyed the chapter !
> 
> I just want to do some clarifications just in case it was too confusing !!
> 
> 1\. If you're wondering why this chapter talks about the events that has happened between Jason and Bruce but seems if its trying to humanize his actions . Even though , I basically demolished his character through dick last chapter . IT IS NOT , I wrote it in Bruce's perspective. Who when it comes to Jay , is not always in the best mindset .  
Bruce is in a BIG state of denial when it comes to Jason and still has some big left over grief from when he died . Deep down he doesn't believe that Jay is truly alive and that it is all a dream , but another part of him just wants to keep in so close to him that he is never forced let go of him . He blames the both of them for what happened to Jason and of course since we are talking about Bruce , he never copes well . Bruce still believes that Jason is still a child in a sense and doesn't want to entirely let go of that him for the newer him .  
To summarize it , when it comes to Jason Bruce is in a constant battle with his emotions that he tries to represent causing him to think irrationally when it comes to him . I hope I worded that well for you guys . 
> 
> 2\. The man Bruce was talking to is going to play a major role in this story arc . Especially when it comes to Jason and his relationship with Bruce , I don't know when im going to fully bring him out but he aware . YOU ARE FREE TO GUESS WHO IT IS .
> 
> 3\. Bruce conversates with James because honestly bruce is in internal panic mode and is NOT thinking properly for his life . Especially after Dick just ended his whole brand like that in the last chapter . He just really needs all this to go away and for all his sons to be properly functioning or else he'll actually drop dead lol .
> 
> 4\. I am not trying to make Bruce look like a shitty parent ( even though in my personal opinion he totally is ) , I'm trying to show the contrast in his parenting over the years if before and after Jason and how his unhealthy coping Mechanisms are pouring into his family life and affecting the people around him . I'm also just trying to call out the multitudes of mistakes he makes ( that's borderline abusive and sometimes just straight up cruel ) with his kids during certain circumstances and how it'll affect them in a more realistic viewpoint.
> 
> ( especially with Jason because no matter what happens in comics of the fandom world , there is always sometype of apologist bullshit that humanizes what they did to him or just forget about it . WHICH I AM TIRED OF READING ) 
> 
> SO YEA , I HOPE I WAS ABLE TO CLEAR SOME THINGS UP . AGAIN , I HOPED YOU ENJOYED THE CHAPTER , PLEASE LEAVE SOME COMMENTS DOWN BELOW . I HIGHKEY THRIVE WHEN YOU GUYS COMMENT :') ❤❤❤❤❤
> 
> STAY SAFE AND HYGIENIC 💜


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TIM'S POINT OF VIEW .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, it's ya girl up in this bitch with another chapter . This coronacation has been helping me A LOT on getting back to my writing . You can expect longer and better written chapters coming from me !
> 
> 𝐄𝐍𝐉𝐎𝐘

_ **PREVIOUSLY ON " IM SORRY " ** _

_" okay I got all the snacks , but i don't know who's snacks is who's . So it's a free for all " his voice passive as he enters the room , though he stops midway at the door. _

_He enters the room to see that all of his were now very much awake , with the exception of Jay . A tall red-haired woman with Grey eyes and who looked like she was in her mid - thirties was also in the room , clipboard in hand as she smiles sympathetically at him ._

_" Mr . Wayne ! Good to see you here .I have some updates on your son ." _

* * *

* * *

** _TIM'S POINT OF VIEW_ **

**TIMOTHY DRAKE WAS NOT ONE** to mince his words when needed . He was also not one to skip _ANY_ detail when things were presented to him and the tragedy that has occurred was no exception to the rule . Even if the details kept sending him through emotional whirlpools .

' _Why wasn't anyone with Jason before ? _ ' 

Timothy curled himself deeper into Jay , he was careful not to touch any of the wires hooked up to him . His head was laying on Jay's bare collarbone , his soft skin radiated warmth to Tim's cheek . The third robin hadn't actually slept within the past few days and if it wasn't for the fact that his brother laid under him in a deathly state , with his wrists stitched together he probably would've been passed out cold by now . Even with his mini nap next to his brother , he was in and out of consciousness ready for anything .

How long was he feeling this way ? 

Now , he waited for Bruce to come back with all their snacks that they had simultaneously requested for the older man to retrieve for them . The room was awkwardly silent, no one knew what to say to each other . Any type of normal conversation would feel disrespectful and neglectful to Jason, but none of them wanted to talk about the obvious . Honestly , Tim didn't even expect them to know how. They weren't taught how to deal with severe personal issues like this . They all weren't taught how to properly support each other genuinely as a family. A sad prospect to be faced with considering they all put their lives on the line together every night , expecting to be caught by one another if they fell .

' _why would you do this , jay ? '_ Tim thought to himself as he grabbed his brother's hand and enveloped it into his . The 17 year old curled himself closer to his older brother , breathing in his unnatural scent . His signature scent of cigarettes , mint chocolate chip and vanilla bean replaced with the harsh scent of disinfectant and soft scented lotion . He wanted to cry for the millionth time and crush something with his hands . He wanted to leave everything behind , _the family , the lifestyle , the city ._

It was all fake . They were miners inculpating fools gold . The family dynamic they put up for the cameras and the outsiders was all a just big sitcom to look good and not bring suspicion . Even for the people who has seen the cracks and has had a taste of their toxicity , knows / nothing / of what each member of this family has endured from each other . Gotham city was poison and it's roots were forcing an entrance through them and intoxicating each and every single one . They all were running ragged , their patience thinning out , their relationship pulled and strained . The lifestyle they followed was , like everything else they do , just wrong . The mission became a coping mechanism ( <strike>was it always ?</strike> ) for some of them , for the others the goal was muddled . The passion they all had at the beginning had died a long time ago. What was left was the uniform they put on every night from the passion they had created it with .

Yet , even with that analysis in mind. He still couldn't wrap his mind around Jason. Everything around him just kept feeling so fake and so _WRONG_ over and over again. This isn't the Jay he knew . This wasn't the Jason he talked to almost every other week, the Jason that would take on a whole warehouse filled with gun wielding psycho gangsters all by himself and ask what they were gonna eat when's he's done . This isn't the goofy , cuddly, sarcastic brother he fell for . This was a whole different playing field of Jay , the truly broken him . Was all this what he truly felt about himself and the rest of them ? Was this really what he was trying to hide when he lashed out on them or ignored them ? How could **HE OF ALL PEOPLE** miss these details of his older brother ? The one he was **CLOSEST TO .**

' _Why didn't you come to me ? Talk to me about what you were feeling inside ? This could've been prevented goddamnit_ ! ' he thought bitterly to himself , his thumb rubbing over Jason's pale white knuckles . He felt Dick's eyes on him but decided to avoid eye contact as much as possible until Bruce came back with the snacks . He wasn't in the mood to deal with another one of dick's false promising speeches , especially when on the few people he cared deeply about is one breath away from being gone. He knew if the man were to break the ice and start conversation it would be through him , trying to comfort him when the one who needed comfort was buddy - buddy with death at the time being . What Tim needed was answers on to what led Jason to this state. Not everything was disclosed in the message or between them all . There was obviously more that was going on , Jason had been pushed down to the point he was suffocating .

But why didn't he call him ? He knew that he and Jason had just been getting along for the past few months . Why was it easier to go out with him and take down a crime boss who could have them killed in one wrong move than to talk about what was eating him ? Why was it so hard for Jason to just talk about what was hurting him ? It wasn't fair to him for Jason to walk into his life and then walk out. He was tired of everything not being _FAIR ._

This wasn't fair , not to him , not to Jason , to the family . What Jason did was **SELFISH** , how dare he just decide to try and take his life ? Did he think he wouldn't miss him ? That he wouldn't be sad that his brother felt so worthless that he kills himself ? What about what he has to say ? What about his _OWN TEAM MEMBERS_ ? What about Roy and Kori ? Do they have a say ? Did Jason really think about how they were going to react ? IT WASN'T FAIR and it didn't make fucking SENSE .

Tim knew he was being selfish too. How much hate can a man take before he broke ? There was enough evidence between the family and messages for all of this to be understandable . Tim wasn't going to be stupid and act like that wasn't the entire case . He also wasn't going to act innocent to the case either .

After all, Tim was lucky he was the forgotten child, in comparison to what he saw happen to Jason on so many different occasions. He never had to courage to step in to stop the abuse and could you really condemn him for it ? He wasn't trying to excuse himself , yet , he didn't want to be martyred for it either . He didn't want to deal with Bruce the same way Jason had to . No one in the family did , Jason had placed a curse on himself with Bruce by deciding to be different from the rest of them . Even if his methods were more efficient then theirs , Jason had made it a brand to be a better Batman by taking what Bruce has given him and spinning it around . Not to mention , Jason wasn't the most pleasant to deal with in the beginning of his return to the family . Who's to say Bruce and maybe some of the others weren't holding some type of resentment against the second robin for it ?

He has heard the arguments Jason and Bruce had before this, and god , they were / _not_ / so hot . Anyone who heard them interact would be able to see the years of angsty history between them . He heard how they got with each other. How they both were able to tear each other to shreds like hell-hounds finding huge chunks of flesh. The way they got personal and struck deep with each word . They'd had so much practice on arguing so frequently, that it has gotten to the brink of it all being that it wasn't about making a point to eachother , but to see who could tear each other down faster and keep them down longer.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK** _

_❛❛ I SHOULD'VE LEFT YOU THE MINUTE YOU CHOSE THE JOKER AND SLICED MY NECK . I SHOULD'VE FUCKIN KNOWN YOUR BULLSHIT ' NO KILLING ' RULE WAS JUST YOUR COVER TO PROTECT THAT CLOWN . ❜❜ jay had painfully screeched in the library that day , the whole house had stop functioning as the words had echoed through the thin walls entirely ._

_The whole common room had froze, everyone had looked towards the library door . Dick's face bleached of color as it was pulled into a pained look , with his arms crossed . Alfred had simply looked away from the room . It was not uncommon for Jason and Bruce to bicker and argue around them , but it was uncommon for them to argue so harshly knowing they were upstairs and the others were home . Tim honestly didn't know whether that meant their relationship had just gotten worse to the point they don't care who hears him or if one of them did something / really / bad . Either way it was going to have the same outcome that no one wanted to see ._

_❛❛ YOU'RE OUT OF LINE , JASON ❜❜ _

_<strike>' crap - . this was going to get bad</strike> ' ❛❛ . YOU'RE RECKLESS , YOU'RE HORMONAL AND DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ANYBODY BUT YOURSELF. YOU'RE A LIABILITY ON THE FIELD MORE THAN YOU ARE AN ASSET . ❜❜ He remembered how tense the common room had gotten , he remembered how his breath hitched as if he forgot how to breath ._

_❛❛ EVER SINCE YOU'VE BEEN BACK, IT'S BEEN ALL TEMPER TANTRUMS AND YOU RUNNING AROUND THINKING I OWE YOU SOMETHING .YOU'RE THE ONE THAT GOT YOURSELF KILLED , YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PUT YOURSELF IN THE POSITION FOR WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT , JASON . YOU'RE ALSO GOING TO BE THE ONE WHO GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED AGAIN. YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FUCKED UP LIFE , JASON . IF I KNEW THIS WAS HOW YOU WERE GOING TO TURN OUT - ❜❜ Bruce had basically roared out , he had cut himself off apparently realizing everything that was said . There was a long silence that had passed and if everyone was still before , they were basically statues now , all eyes were at the library door and Alfred looked like he was on his last vein ready to enter the room and diffuse the situation before it got physical ._

_❛❛ FINISH THE SENTENCE , BRUCE . C'MON I CAN HANDLE IT . ❜❜ Jason's words were meant to intimidate , but had just sounded so defeated . How his voice broke mid sentence but still shrieked it out , it only spoke pain ._

_❛❛ YOU KNOW WHAT , BRUCE ? DON'T . I ALREADY HAVE AN INSIGHT . ❜❜ The library door had swung open with a tall figure rushing out . Everyone's eyes were on Jason who stood tall in his navy blue Nike sweatpants and dark grey pullover hoodie, looking back the rest of them with some shock written all over his face . Clearly , he was not expecting any of them to be there and listening in, they've never seemed interested in hearing about his and Bruce's emotionally baggage with each other . Bruce stood a few feet behind , his face dark and showed irritation. No one said anything to the young man to console him or just to even defuse the situation between him and Bruce , something that could've been easily prevented if at least one of them stepped in and just mediated the situation ._

_A whole minute had passed before he just scoffed softly and shaking his head softly in defeat , his mouth pulled into a snarl trying to keep it from quivering with all the stress he was feeling and rushed off without a word , no one having the backbone stopping him from heading off. Especially with Bruce looking back at all of them distraught as well, though was slightly better at hiding it ._

_Tim knew that everybody kept telling themselves they couldn't do nothing to stop Jay from running off , or to mediate the brutal argument between the second son and their father that day. Though , Tim couldn't help it that night in his room, but feel like it was just an excuse for all of them to allow and help their jaded father lick his wounds and do what he pleased._

_At the end of the day , he was the head of the family , in both their day and night lives . Batman lead the bat family just as much Bruce Wayne was the face of the Wayne family . If one of them were to go against Bruce for the stray who was barely considered family ( **<strike>even if he was part of the core of it</strike>** ) , who was to say they wouldn't end up like him or worse ?_

_The system they had in place in this _ _family dynamic simply would never _ _allow it ._

** _END OF FLASHBACK_ **

* * *

He was lost in thought , the memory vivid in his mind . When the ICU room door opened to show a tall red haired middle aged woman with a long white lab coat walk in , her shiny black heels clunk the floor. Everyone's face went to the middle aged female, she met all of theirs with calmness and professionalism . She then brought her eyes back to Dick as if she had familiarity with him. She most likely did with the fact that Dick had been the one who found Jason and aided him to the hospital . She most likely spoke to him , before any of them even arrived .

❛❛ Mr. Grayson ❜❜ she had spoke , a small smile graced her lips _<strike>( a weak attempt to soothe any of them , in hopes of her smile being a sign of good ones - ) .</strike>_ She then looked towards the seat that once served Bruce ❛❛ If I may ask , Where is your father ? I would like to discuss the information I have with him present. ❜❜ she had asked politely , calmly explaining . Tim saw Dick's fingers curl into a fist on the arm of the chair , most likely at the mention of Bruce and needing him present .

❛❛ Doctor Bingham . oh . Uh - Bruce should be here within the minute , he just went to get us some snacks .❜❜ Dick had said , a small smile graced his lips as he said it . Tim couldn't help but roughly roll his eyes at the sound of the eldest's voice. Dick seemed to catch notice of his eye rolling and gave him a side glance .

❛❛ Very well . I believe I can wait a few minutes ❜❜ The middle aged woman , Dr. Bingham spoke . She had walked closer to Jason , everyone's eyes on her as she checked his monitors and vitals . Apparently , doing a quick check of his brother as if she doesn't have enough information on him to give out . Pulling out what seemed to be a mini flashlight , and checked both of Jason's eyes . She made no eye contact with Tim at all , which did annoy him slightly . The woman basically disregarded his presence !

She continued to check over Jason for any small details for information . Finishing up right when Bruce had entered the room , with his hands full of snacks for all of them

❛❛ I got all the snacks , but i don't know who's snacks is who's . So it's a free for all - ❜❜ Bruce's voice was passive as he entered the room , slightly struggling with the amount of food he had in his arm . Though he stopped midway at the door , cutting his own sentence off , noticing Dr. Bingham before he did anyone else .

Dr. Bingham took her opportunity to speak , noting that she had all of Bruce's attention. ❛❛ Mr . Wayne ! Good to see you here . I have some updates on your son . ❜❜ Her voice was passive though lighter than when she initially came in , which was a good sign ( <strike>Tim would hope so , he hated when adults put up a false attitude to soothe others</strike> ) . Cass had gotten up to go help their father out with the snacks , taking some in her hands handing each of the snacks to their respective owners . Tim could see the hopefulness in Bruce eyes , secretly praying that everything was alright . Tim could honestly relate to the older man on that note.

❛❛ How is he ? ❜❜ Bruce asked , his voice was slightly laced with desperation . Tim's eyes went onto the woman who no more than 5 feet away from him . Cass had passed him his gummy bears that he had requested and his snickers . Opening the latter first , munching away silently listening to the doctor speak .

❛❛ He is recovering great . His vitals are steady and he seems to be healing quickly . Which , again is great , is not always the case for the suicide cases we get . ❜❜_ ' i bet most of your patients don't have traces of a mystical pit entwined in their bloodstream_ ' ❛❛ He seems to be responding well enough to the treatment that we can take him off life support . That means most of the machines will be gone ❜❜ She informed the whole family , she paused to go through her board . The tension in the room fell so fast that it was almost visible , Tim felt himself genuinely breathe. ' _Jason is going to be okay_ ' he chanted to himself in his mind , he gripped Jason's hand tighter . ' _You're gonna be okay Jay ._' He thought to himself , moving his head lower to hear his brother's heartbeat . 

❛❛ thank god ❜❜ he heard Stephanie say from behind him , from the corner of his eye he saw Dick who looked like he was going to burst into tears.

The doctor continued ❛❛ You can expect him to wake up in the next hour or so . However , there are some things we must discuss over Jason's mental health. Along with his physical ❜❜ ' _no shit Sherlock , he tried to kill himself .'_ ❛❛ Whilst , My team and I were taking care of your son . We noticed that he had a large selection of bruises and cuts that littered his body , especially his torso and legs . ❜❜ She had informed them , Tim looked down to see Jason's covered body . 

' _who gave you those ?_ ' he thought to himself, absolutely curious as to why his brother had so many bruises and cuts . ' _Did he allow himself to get hurt ?_ '

❛❛ It is common for our team here at Gotham General to encounter these situations where people try to take their life and have other injuries , that can be assumed not to be caused by them . Does Jason have a significant other that he lives with or sees frequently that could've caused those types of marks ? ❜❜ Her voice read of no emotion , looking straight into Bruce's eyes when she said all of it . Her assumption made sense, Tim and the rest of them have come across cases where someone had tried to off themselves as an escape from their partner. Nevertheless , it just didn't seem to suit Jason. Not many can overpower the man no matter how fragile he gets , especially not consistently abuse him . The only one who has really done significant damage to Jason was in the room right now , and in Tim's knowledge , he hasn't touched or rather spoken to Jay in months .

Tim saw the way Bruce recoiled harshly at the question, as if he was bitch slapped with a sandal . ' _Suits him right_ ' he thought bitterly . Dick had looked uneasy ever since Dr.Bingham had begun to steer into that direction and Damian looked like he was going to throw himself at the woman for even insinuating that . He had just sighed , bringing his free arm to pinch the bridge of his nose .

❛❛ No , of course not ! Jason would kick their ass in a second for even thinking about touching him like that. Besides , he is not with anyone at the moment . Why would you ask that ? ❜❜ It was Stephanie who spoke , or more like snapped at. Her hand gripping the wooden arm of the chair she was sitting in . The whole room went to look at the tall blonde's their focus centered on her now . Bruce was about to say something but before he could even get a single peep out , Dr. Bingham spoke

❛❛ I do not mean to offend any of you, but I need to ask these questions or the police could get involved . ❜❜ she explained frowning . Tim couldn't blame her for asking , she was right , the police would get involved if they get defensive . ❛❛ Not to press to much , but are you sure about him not having a significant other or even an ex who could've done this to him ? ❜❜ she asked , Tim sat up, ready to join the conversation if needed .

❛❛ No , not at all. Jason would've came to us if anything. ❜❜ Bruce ultimately said . '_ no he wouldn't , that's a lie . Why would he trade an abuser for another ?_ ' . The doctor nodded , writing down the response in her note pad .

❛❛ Alright then , we'll revisit this conversation when Jason wakes up and is in an appropriate mindset to have such a discussion . Moving forward though , before Jason can be released we must do a psych evaluation on him . As I stated to Mr. Grayson , Jason has a record that he was diagnosed with type 2 bipolar disorder . Which , for those of you who don't know . ❜❜ ' _we know what that is_ '

❛❛ type 2 Bipolar disorder consists of mania and depressive states , its manic state usually lasting two to three weeks . Whilst , their depressive state can last 4 days to two weeks . They usually tend to have more depressive states that can cause suicidal thoughts and if untreated can even drive the person to try and take their life . It may have been that Jason could've been in a depressive state . However , we still would like to perform psych Evaluation to make sure that it was in fact a depressive episode caused by the disorder . As well , to make sure he doesn't have any other underlying health issues or if there was a performance of misdiagnosis. ❜❜ ' _that sounds pretty good for Jason honestly_ ' ❛❛ We would also like to switch his prescription , it seems that he was taking his medication but it was not serving it's purpose of aiding him. Things like this are sadly by trial and error , and hopefully we can prevent this from happening to your son ever again . ❜❜ she finished explaining , the room was silent in thought . ' _we all keep saying we're gonna prevent this from happening again , but that takes fixing Jason's mental state . Which , starts with actually listening to him . '_ Tim though bitterly , bringing his hand up across Jason's hair , stroking his long thick curly hair . 

❛❛ Thank you Doctor . We all truly appreciate your service to my son . ❜❜ Bruce said solemnly , looking over the Dr.Bingham over to him and Jason . She nodded walking towards Bruce , patting his shoulder softly .

❛❛ You all should get some rest , maybe go home and get some clean clothes , or go outside to get some breakfast as a family . This is an incredibly tough situation where everyone needs to be in the proper mind state for. It is not selfish for you guys to take care of yourselves , while Mr. Todd is recovering. ❜❜ ' _she's right again , but I don't wanna leave Jay . '_ ❛❛ He is after all, Going to need you all when he wakes up. It is better to do it in a more stable mental state. If any of you need anything , I will be at my desk in the hallway center . ❜❜ After that , she walked out .

Bruce went to sit down in the chair he was previously sitting in, watching his kids eat their food in quiet . Most likely thinking over what the doctor had said about Jay . The whole room was tense and filled with a multitude of thoughts . Glancing back and forth between each other , no one am was at ease . For such a limited amount of time , so much was happening all at once . They were all learning so many hidden truths about Jason .

Tim wondered if Jason actually was getting abused or even was abused , he knew that Jason and Roy didn't end things on such a high note . Maybe he had tried to catch a rebound and got hurt a little too much in the process ? Is he over thinking this ? Maybe . Jason most likely got those bruises from patrolling or some random fight he got himself into . After some harsh thought on the possibilities , he sighed and gave up . Postponing that part of his mini investigation on his brother for when he wakes up .

After nearly half an hour of silence , Damian spoke up ❛❛ Are we going to leave ? ❜❜ his voice had no irrational or annoyance like Time thought it would . In fact , it had more thought placed into it , like Damian was being more careful . 

❛❛ I think we should all change into something more comfortable and get some actual food into our stomachs . The doctor was right , we need to be stable together in order to proceed with Jason . ❜❜ Bruce spoke , his voice indifferent . Time scowled at the thought of leaving Jason's side . Cass had nodded as she began to get up and retrieve her things , Stephanie followed suit . Damian hesitantly got up , nodding . Bruce the last one to get up heading to the door , leaving Tim and Dick behind .

Turning back to see his two sons with his second . Bruce sighed , ❛❛ Richard , timothy . Please , come with us . ❜❜ He spoke , or more like pleaded . The man was absolutely tired . After a few seconds of a massive stare down , Tim groaned before sliding off the bed softly , making sure not to tangle anything or hurt Jay in the process . ❛❛ Okay . ❜❜ he agreed , looking over to Dick , who was still in his seat apparently not going to move .

He walked over to the oldest brother , careful not to touch him . ❛❛ I know you want to stay with him , I do too . But I don't think Jason's gonna want to wake up to see you in the clothes you saved him in and you looking like you haven't slept a day in your life . ❜❜ he tried to reason , giving the older a pleading look .

❛❛ Besides Richard , you reek of body odor , the last thing Jason would want to wake up to is too smell your manly sewage funk ❜❜ Damian had teased , though there was a hidden bit of concern under the words . Tim extended his hand towards the former robin , hoping he would take it .

Dick reluctantly took it giving a simple nod . He pulled the heavier man up , aiding him in standing . They all ended up walking out together , Tim keeping himself between Bruce and Dick but kept his head down to avoid any conversation. 

When Jason woke up , they were going to have a long talk about his ability to express himself . Most importantly , they were going to have to talk about their relationship . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading , I hope you all enjoyed the chapter . I hope I did Tim justice and here are some lil notes and explanations for the chapter .
> 
> — I hope this chapter wasn't confusing at all , throughout the middle I felt like it was becoming a filler because Time wasn't really talking as much . When it comes to writing conversation I get kinda nervous , it's not really my strong suit .  
— I've also never written a story this far before , so I feel like I'm slipping . So I hope I'm not .  
— Tim's chapter was more of an observation and just a whirlpool of emotions . He's trying to add up everything onto why Jason did this because to him , it's still so out of character for Jason .  
— Tim had suspected that Jason had mental illness but always wanted to keep an open relationship with him based off us trust . That's why he feels so betrayed yet so protective of Jason .  
— Tim's pissed off at the family for their emotional constipation and toxic relationships . Though , he was always very tense about it because he knows that crossing boundaries can get him hurt , so he harshly ignored it until now .  
— tim also blames himself but does not want to really be called out on it ??? He feels like he's suffered enough and his reason for it was because of the bigger problem that is in the family .
> 
> PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤


	5. HAVE MERCY ON ME

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damian's sick of the pile of pillocks this family has become and goes out to investigate . A certain batfamily member faces reality ,a certain redhead comes into the mix .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys , I Apologize for a late chapter . I went through a minor writer's block and was also researching more on the mental health aspect of the story , I want to be as accurate as possible when writing about mental illness and the toxic relationships that are tied into the family ! 
> 
> I want to apologize in advance if anything was inaccurate during this chapter.
> 
> I ALSO HOPE all of you lovelies are staying healthy and hydrated during this corona virus pandemic . REMEMBER YOU COME FIRST ALWAYS ❤❤❤❤

_ **PREVIOUSLY ON ❛❛ I'm sorry ❜❜** _

_Dick reluctantly took it giving a simple nod . He pulled the heavier man up , aiding him in standing . They all ended up walking out together , Tim keeping himself between Bruce and Dick but kept his head down to avoid any conversation. _

_When Jason woke up , they were going to have a long talk about his ability to express himself . Most importantly , they were going to have to talk about their relationship . _

* * *

**BRUCE'S PENTHOUSE IN DOWNTOWN GOTHAM**.

_ **LOCATION : 1375 park place, 10406 ** _

_ **TIME : 1:50 pm** _

* * *

_ **DAMIAN'S POV** _

**DAMIAN WAS REALLY BEGINNING TO LOSE HIS PATIENCE**. It has been **4 HOURS** since they've left the hospital, and he has been itching to back in ever since. He was in the living room of his father's penthouse, alongside Timothy and Cassandra who seemed to be trying to ease their mind off of Jason by playing a soothing game of chess. Though, Timothy was failing to keep focus on the game. The older male still appearing to be as rattled and shut down from how he was in the hospital, Timothy most likely wanting to leave the penthouse and be by Jason's side as much as he wanted to be. 

Which, was probably one of the minimal things Damian respected about the mini - detective. The second youngest of the bat clan was the closest to the second oldest, Timothy had been the only one consistently reaching out to Jason as a brother. He was also the only one to accept and consider Jason's methods as respectable. In Damian's perspective, as pitiful it was as a reflection on the family, Timothy was truly the only one deserving of consideration in this hard period.

Richard had gone on to take a shower, and presumably take a tiny nap. Which, was definitely well deserved on the oldest's part. Everyone had seen how the past day had taken a huge toll on Grayson's mental and physical state. Essentially after he was the one who got to Jason first and salvaged him from his illiberal state. He was fairly certain that the older male would've passed out right when they gotten into the penthouse if it wasn't for his atrocious stench and horrid clothing. He hoped that Grayson had enough sense to throw the harrowing habiliments away for them to be forgotten, but knowing how much of a martyr complex this family suffers through. Grayson will probably keep the vestment as a reminder of what he does for this family and all that other nonsense they believe to boost their ulterior motives .

Stephanie had seemed to also take a nap , in one of the other guest rooms the penthouse . Poor Brown barely lasted the first Half an Hour they got here of how sleep deprived she was .The female having enough brains to actually aid the family and keep the peace , it was evident that her and Jason were not close at all. They barely spoke and there was still tension from how he returned. Stephanie was fiercely protective of Timothy<strike>_** (for reasons Damian would not even fathom to understand)**_</strike> and was weary of Jason's acceptance back to the family. However, simply kept her distance from him and carefully eyed him. He could sense the guilt that enveloped her, for that very same reason. 

While , father had gone into the den to apparently do some work. Which , aggravated him to no avail. The youngest Wayne was not able to cognize how Bruce was able to throw himself back into his work like nothing happened. While , one of his closest allies was hospitalized because of his own mutilation . He knew that Todd and Father never really saw eye to eye on things and that it drove a significant wedge between them , but did father really care more about their difference enough to continue on like nothing happened ?

He grimaced , getting up from his spot on the couch. He felt stiff and dull, he needed to move and do something that pertained to Jason's aid. Unlike the other bats, he wasn't trained to move around and loathe in self-pity. He brought his right hand over his shoulder and stretched. Grabbing his phone from the coffee table, he began to walk away from the living room.

❛❛ Hey , where are you going ? ❜❜ Tim called out, he felt two pairs of eyes on him. He couldn't help but rolls his eyes.

❛❛ Going to get ready, I have things to do. ❜❜

❛❛ Like what ? ❜❜ It was Cass that spoke now, her voice soft and attentive like it is always when she tries to speak up. 

❛❛ Figuring out where we went wrong. ❜❜ He answers coldly, he waited a few moments and when he was not met with a response, he continued on. 

-

The penthouse was exceptionally big , having two floors and about 5 bedrooms , it was the perfect place to hide out and also pry into things without noticing. 

The halls of penthouse were spacious, not as huge as the manor but still bigger than necessary. The pastel Grey coloring gave the entire penthouse a depressing and vacant look, irking the young Wayne.

He walked towards the room he believed Richard was staying in, careful not to make noise opening the cedar wood door. Peaking his head in to examine the white and gray room, his forest eyes darting to the king-sized bed that was in the center of the room. Pleased to see Richard's comatose form sprawled out on the bed. 

_❛ Perfect. ❜_ The 15-year-old thought to himself, a sister smirk crossed his lips as he entered the room entirely. Closing the door softly, he took off his shoes to avoid making any unnecessary noise and walked across the angel white tiled floor.

He placed his shoes under the bed and covered them as a precautionary measure and continued to walk to the right side of the bed, where Richard's foul clothes and other property laid. 

Looking over once more to confirm the older's sleeping status. He began to rummage through the clothes in any evidence to Jason, only being met with Richard's leather brown wallet and keys . Throwing the garments on the floor he began to look over the drawer, finding only spare clothes in the second drawer and Richard's lucky comb on the top. 

He took a deep sigh_, ❛ Where is his phone ? ❜_ he thinks bitterly to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He finally opened the first drawer, being met with coconut shampoo, lavender conditioner, face wash, phone charger and a. . . . Richard's phone.

A triumphant grin plastered Damian's features, grabbing the black iPhone and closed the drawer. He turned it on, being faced with Dick's face as the lock screen and entered the passcode 6781'. Unlocking the screen, He was met with all of Dick's messaging contacts.

_ ** DONNIE TROYA.** _

** ✉ ❛ Hey Dick, I just got a message from Wally telling me what happened. I can't come to you right now but I'm checking up on you. Call me and stay strong xoxo ❤❤ ❜ (9:16 am ET)**

_**BARBIE GORDON 🦹🏻♀🤩**_

✉** ❛ Dick, I heard you got to the hospital. Thank you for saving him, I can't believe he would do this to himself. Call me when you can. ❜ (6:45 am ET)**

_**KORI 🔥🥰**_

**✉ ❛ Dick, you and Roy aren't responding to any of my calls. I'm worried about Jason, I need to know if he's going to be okay. We also need to talk about him. CALL ME ❜ (10:45 am ET)**

**_SPEEDY MCNUGGET 🏃🏽 👀_**

**✉ ❛ Dick, please call me back !!!, I called you like 18 times !!!!!!!!!! Actually, that is the EXACT number of how much I called you !!!!! I tried to call Roy too, and he isn't answering, what is it with you non-superpowered heroes and not responding ? I hope Jason is doing okay, wishes to the family. ❜ (10:00 am ET)**

Damian's face pulled into a snarl, he gave a frustrated huff. He knew for a fact that more than half of these quisquillian fools had no idea who really Jason is as a person, hell they probably had no idea who any of them really were outside of Richard. He would kindly appreciate them to, _**back the hell off**_.

He ran through the contacts till he found the one he needed. 

_**PRETTYBOYROY (brother fucker) 🖕🏼💦💦 **_

_❛ what type of name is this ? ❜_ he thought disgusted to himself as he opened the messages, scrolling up to yesterday. 

** ❛ Roy , I think Jason's going to do something stupid. ❜ ( Yesterday, 9:40 pm ET) **

** ✉ ❛ Jason's always doing something stupid 😒 be more specific. ❜ (Yesterday, 9:43 ET) **

**❛ It isn't the fucking time roy ❜**

** ❛ I think he's going to kill **

**himself or something. ❜ **

**(Yesterday, 9:45 pm ET)**

** ✉ ❛ What ❜ **

**✉❛ what do u mean he's going to kill himself ? ❜**

**✉ ❛ Jason's homicidal not suicidal. ❜**

**✉ ❛ how was he the past few days ❜ (Yesterday, 9:46 pm ET) **

**❛ I haven't seen him in a while, Roy ❜**

**❛ he was a little different though last time. ❜**

**❛ He told me to tell you that he loves you a lot ❜ **

**❛ and that he didn't deserve you ❜**

** ❛ and that he's sorry for hurting you ❜**

**❛ Roy please help me. ❜**

**❛ I'm scared ❜**

** (Yesterday, 9:48 pm ET) **

**✉❛ fuck fuck. ❜**

**✉❛ okay listen dick, u need to get to him as fast as possible. ❜**

**❛ I know u know that ❜**

**✉❛ but Jaybird works really fast when he has his mind on something ❜**

**❛ try to tell him u love him ❜**

**✉❛ I'm going to call him ❜**

**✉ ❛ don't let him die please. ❜ (Yesterday, 9:50 pm ET) **

**❛ I wonf ❜**

**❛ i cacnt do this, Roy ❜**

**❛ I can't lose hm again ❜**

**❛ what the fuck is wrong with him ❜**

**❛ roy** ** ❜**

** (Yesterday, 9:55 pm ET) **

**✉❛ u think I can ? ❜**

**✉❛ I fucking love him dick ❜**

**✉❛ nothing is wrong with him**

**✉❛ He's just going through a moment ❜ (Yesterday, 9:56 pm ET) **

**✉❛ I need to get to him.❜**

**✉❛ fuck. He won't answer ❜**

**✉❛ Pull it together, Grayson ❜ (Yesterday, 9:57 pm ET) **

**❛ I'm two min away ❜**

**❛ what if I'm not ghere in time ❜**

**❛ I see his bathroom light. ❜**

**❛ fuck fuck fuck❜**

**❛ is he fuckinh stupid ❜**

**❛ why did u leave him ? ❜**

**❛ he needed us and we left him. ❜**

** (Yesterday, 10:00 pm ET) **

**✉❛ GET UP THERE THEN ❜**

**✉❛ He's not fuckin stupid he's hurt❜**

**✉❛ Oliver won't let me leave ❜**

**✉❛ he thinks I'm going out to relapse❜**

**✉❛ I guess I'm not looking as good as I think. ❜ (Yesterday, 10:04 pm ET)**

**✉❛ that doesn't fuckin matter right now. Stay the fuck out of my business ❜ **

**✉ ❛ Don't generalize me in your shit after everything I did for the both of you. ❜ (Yesterday, 10:05 pm ET)**

**✉❛ DICK ❜ (Yesterday, 10:07 pm ET)**

**❛ IM HERW ❜**

**❛ the ambulance is herr too ❜**

**❛ I'm going upstairs ❜**

**❛ fuck ❜**

**(Yesterday, 10:10 pm ET)**

** ✉ ❛ get to him NOW ❜ **

**✉ ❛ there's no time to waste ❜ (Yesterday, 10:10 pm ET) **

**✉❛ U got to him on time ❜**

**✉❛ thank u ❜ ( 6:40 am et ) **

**✉❛ ollie saw the news , he won't let me leave without supervision . ❜**

**✉❛ He's worried dick . ❜**

**❛ like real bad ❜ ( 11:00 am et ) **

**✉❛ Dinah wants to know how you and Jaybird is doing ❜ **

**✉❛ I think she's having second thoughts about him ❜**

**✉❛ dick ? ❜ ( 11:03 am et ) **

**✉❛ Dick , I'm heading over to Gotham soon . We need to talk. I need to see Jason and I know they don't allow friends to come in sometimes without a family member , so I need you to go with me . ❜**

**✉ ❛ Ollie is coming to Gotham with me and we're leaving star city at 1 o'clock . By the time I get there it's gonna be like 6 pm on your time. Be fucking ready ❜ (1:25 pm ET)**

Damian screenshotted all the messages and sent them to his contact, only to then delete the messages from Richard's phone. He got what he needed and now he needed to get to Harper as fast as he can before he comes to see Jason. He needed to have a quick chat with the red-headed and what secreted information he had on Jay. He also wouldn't mind finding out what the fuck happened between the two of them. 

He placed Richard's phone onto the drawer, sliding away from the still comatose male. He retrieved his shoes and raced out quietly from the room, putting his shoes back on.

Damian raced across the halls to his own guest room, retrieving a black backpack, a few bottles of water, some throwing knives and of course, his trusty Katana. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and dialed up the number of the only real friend he trusts.

Jon. 

* * *

❛❛ Damian ! I've been trying to reach you for the past two hours. Oh my god — ❜❜ Jon babbled into the phone the minute he picked up, causing Damian to roll his forest green eyes in impatience. Did the kryptonian hybrid ever know how to take a break from talking ? 

❛❛ Jonathan. I am requesting your assistance for something important. Meet me in the Gotham mall food court, / immediately / . ❜❜ He cuts the younger off, he doesn't ask if the other is free. He doesn't particularly care either, he needed the other male's assistance on tracking down Harper fast. 

❛❛ woah Dami ? Why ? Are you okay? How's your brother ? I'm so sorry about what happened to him. I'll be there. ❜❜ Jon continued on his babbling crusade, catching Damian offhand.

❛❛ Wait ! How did you know about Jason ? Who told you that information. ❜❜ He asked baffled, he was caught off guard. Even if it made the news, it could've only made local. Jason wasn't as much of a prominent figure in the media as the rest of them were. How would the news make it from Gotham, New York to Metropolis, Kansas. 

❛❛ oh uh, Dami. It was all over the nationwide morning news, and my parents are also reporters so pretty sure they get this type of news before anyone else. ❜❜ Jon explains calmly, which was a surprise since the teenager is always between zero and one hundred. 

Damian's mouth is left agape at the response. It made sense, why didn't he think of that before — He would need to pay a visit to Cat Grant and Vicki Vale (and more nosy reporters) about their insensitive and dull reporting skills. 

❛❛ They have been kinda freaking out about it. I overheard that there was going to be a league meeting about it. D Jon remarked sheepishly , as there was a ruffling in the background. The younger male was most likely changing.

❛❛ I — what — ugh, okay, okay. Tell me everything you know when we meet. Okay ? I need you. ❜❜He countered agitated. Frustration grew unbearable for Damian to suppress. 

This was none of the Justice league's concern, they should've been paying more attention to father when he decided to pummel Jason into the concrete a few months ago or when Timothy had been spotting a Black eye after a meeting with the bat. They had a multitude of times to be concerned about them all, but they all decided to ignore it, just like everything else the Batman does. 

He knew his father was not perfect, he was / far / from it. From the way he maneuvers as the bat and to how he handles basic daily routines. Bruce Wayne was simply a man with too many problems that he ignored. However, Damian was getting real tired of everyone else getting hurt for the things that Bruce Wayne can't handle, and he was getting even MORE tired of how everyone stepped aside and took it up their arse. 

He honestly didn't understand why mother handed him over to father, he'd rather behead and entire village filled with useless ungrateful bastards than to be around such heedless pillocks. 

❛❛ yea, of course Dames. I'll be there in 10 minutes ❜❜ Jon answered, the 14-year old's voice wrung of sincereness. He can already hear the wind gushing in the background. ❛ Good ❜ he thought to himself.

❛❛ Good, I'll call you when I arrive ❜❜ and with that. Damian hung up, a growl escaped his lips. As he got on his bike and zoomed out of the garage. He was tired of sitting around and waiting for answers. He was going to retrieve some type of / real / information about his brother, if it's the last thing he does. 

Roy Harper was going to be the first person he gets it from. 

* * *

**JASON'S POV.**

**TIME : 4:45 PM **

**THE FIRST THING HE SAW WAS A BLINDING BRIGHTNESS**, his eyes fluttered softly against the raw light. He was stiff and uncomfortable, every inch of his body felt so sore. 

There was now a woman in front of him, she was tall and red-headed with moon gray eyes. She had a lab coat on, which likely meant she was a doctor. That meant he was in a hospital, or a clinic. 

<strike>_**He survived**_</strike>. 

The woman went over to check the machines that were hooked up to him, most likely to check his vitals. He wonders how many times she might have done that in the past hours. His eyes kept fluttering and he felt so heavy. 

❛❛ where am I ? ❜❜ He croaked out, his throat hurt. It felt acidic and raw, he always hated when his throat hurt. Some of his hair falling into his line of sight. Though, he could vaguely see her look towards him. She seemed to check him over with her eyes quickly before going back to focusing on his IV bag, presumably adjusting the amount. 

He pulled at his arms, trying to bring them to his head to rub his eyes. Only to feel something restrain them, he looked down only to see white restraints just above his wrists. ❛❛ what the fuck ❜❜ he muttered out, winning at the pain. 

❛❛ You're in Gotham general's intensive care unit. You were admitted hours ago, after you tried to take your own life. You were taken off life support two hours ago. Due to your steady vitals, as well as your mostly speedy recovery. My name is Doctor Bingham, I've been your doctor since you've been admitted. ❜❜ Her words were void of emotion, as if only to inform that piece of information as clean cut as possible. Her owl gray eyes looked straight into his blue. 

She looked over to his arms, frowning slightly. 

❛❛ I apologize if the restraints cause any inconvenience, I had to put those on you for precautionary reasons that I hope you can understand. ❜❜ she added on.

He heard the words that came out of her mouth, of course he did. He was a mental case, not a fucking deaf one. Though, he felt like everything tuned out after she had told him he was recovering . 

❛❛ so I failed ? ❜❜ his words were barely Audible but came out too uneven, like the tide during the night. Tears brimmed his eyes, as he felt himself go cold. God, why was he such a fucking failure ? All he wanted to do was leave, and now he can't even do that ? 

❛❛ Fuck — how did I fuck that up ? ❜❜ he said to himself, a few tears dripping from his eyes and sliding down his cheeks. He wanted to curl into a tiny ball and turn off the lights and keep himself hidden away. He hoped that his family wasn't here, as unlikely as that was. He knew that they were going to think he was weak, and most definitely think he was disposable.

He can already hear Damian's taunts in his head, calling him weak and insipid. How replaceable he was and how stupid he was for not doing the job right, and how much of a clutter he was. He can hear Dick's shrieks of anger towards him, calling him an inconvenience towards the family, and how much of an attention seeker he most likely was for pulling such a horrific stunt. Cass's back will be faced to him, showing no sympathy. Stephanie will probably take one for the family and be the one to tell him that he needed to pack his shit and leave. Barbara will tell him insensitive and cowardly he is. He can feel Alfred's disappointed gaze ripping at his skin and the oozing shame that will pour out of the older male. He dreaded to see Tim's disgusted face, and how distant his younger brother will be with him. 

He fucked up so badly , his death was supposed to relieve them of his burden to them. Now he just added to it. 

God, he didn't even want to _FATHOM_ how Bruce was reacting. He could already feel every inch of his body quivering at the thought of the man's appearance, how angry and disappointed he would be with him. He was definitely done for now, he would never hear the end of it. This would be the leash to his collar. He inhaled, trying to calm his nerves down from the series of thoughts that were swarming his head. He was nauseous and his brain hurt. God, he'd do anything to chew a bullet right now. 

Doctor Bingham had seemed to notice his distressed state, etching closer towards him. He flinched away, causing her to stop in her tracks. 

❛❛ Jason, you didn't fail. You survived Jason. You're a survivor. ❜❜ She explained sincerely, frowning at Jason's words. 

He couldn't hold back the scoff that had escaped his vocal cords, causing a burning pain to erupt through his throat.

❛❛ That wasn't my goal. ❜❜ he said melancholy, tears still dripping down his face. He eyed his bandaged wrists in disgust. 

❛❛ I know it wasn't, but you did and that's a much better outcome. ❜❜ She counters quick and firm. He eyes following his to his wrists, her mouth tightened. Jason didn't even know why she was wasting her time trying to convince him he was worth it. No one else in his life shared the same thought. 

❛❛ No it isn't. ❜❜ he counters just as quick, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. He exhaled through his nose out of frustration. 

The older female seemed not to want to engage in what would've banter. She quickly inhaled before taking a hefty sigh. Changing the center of the conversation.

❛❛ how are you feeling, Jason ? ❜❜ She asked, her head cocked to the side in curiosity. Her notes and pen still in hand. 

❛❛ 'm fine. ❜❜ he effortlessly lied. He wasn't fine, he was way too fucking far from being fine. He most likely would never be fine, he was 50 shades of fucked up. Though, he couldn't stop himself from saying the Contrast, being programmed to say otherwise. 

❛❛. . . . . Jason. I want you to be really honest in how you are feeling, right now. Please tell me what's going on within you. I really do want to help you. ❜❜ The doctor apparently saw right through his words, which was no surprise to the younger male. He couldn't fathom how many other patients she had that had sung the same song. 

Though, that didn't mean he didn't know how to respond to her. He wanted to tell her but really didn't know how without opening another can of worms.

A beat of hesitation left the room silent until he spoke. ❛❛ I —. I'm in pain, — I'm in a lot of pain and I'm tired. Can I go to sleep, please ? ❜❜ his words were as broken as glass and as wet as water. His face betrayed him as it sprawled all of his inner feelings onto his expression. Though, he forgot to mention the feeling of his insides rotting and the burning sensation of suffocation that enveloped in his lungs and throat. He wanted to close his eyes and never open them again, for once he wanted to succeed in / _SOMETHING_ / for himself. 

He could see the pity in her eyes, and he hated it so much. He wanted to pick at these bandages and rip the stitches out of his arm.

❛❛ In a moment, Jason. I promise you that. I know it's hard for you right now, but I really need to talk to you. I want to understand everything you're going through. ❜❜ She explained to him, she pulled a chair to sit next to him and sat down, crossing her long legs. 

Yet, what she didn't understand was that no matter how much he poured his / _soul_ / to her. She wouldn't understand anything he was going through , from his upbringing to alternative night life to what goes on inside his head . She would never be able to understand. 

❛❛. . . . . Mhm. ❜❜ 

❛❛Okay, thank you. I really appreciate you doing this. . . . . . ❜❜ She sent a small warm smile towards him. He nodded absently. 

❛❛ So do you remember anything from before losing consciousness ? ❜❜ Her words were attentive and taut. Her eyes were watchful of his frame and ears trained for his response.

His brain repeated the question about ten times, trying to remember anything from before. His memories were basically censored, and the tension grew massive. All that he was able to recover was the color of the water a familiar voice calling for help. He couldn't pinpoint the voice that well, it's tone was distorted and when he tried to, his brain felt like if was going to burst.

❛❛ I think I do. I — it's all blurry and when I try to, it hurts my head to think. ❜❜ he rasps out, his tone enervated and concerned. What if he couldn't ever remember ? Did he gain any brain damage ? He's sure that his brain can't handle any more damage. It's already fucked as it is. 

As if she was psychic, Dr. Bingham had sensed his concern. ❛❛ That's okay, Jason. It's completely normal for your body and mind to be responding that way after an intense event. We'll come back to that in a few days. ❜❜ She explained fruitfully, a quick smile of assurance traced her face. 

He nodded vacantly, though a sample of relaxation swam through his body like an oasis. 

❛❛ Have you ever tried to hurt yourself before ? ❜❜ 

He took a moment to think about the question, he's never been one to cut lines on his skin, unless it was for a bigger reason. He had always placed himself in situations where others just did it for him. It wasn't that hard for him to get hurt, he wasn't the most likeable guy in and out of uniform. He deserved it anyways, it wasn't like he truly gave a shit what happened to himself. 

❛❛. . . . . . I think so. ❜❜ 

❛❛ okay. Why do you think so ? ❜❜ she asked, he heard her pen moving on paper. Apparently, writing down his responses. It kind of irritated him, but he understood why she was doing it, it was her job.

He has deprived himself of so many things for one. He's tortured himself with hunger, with all the wrong he's done to people who didn't deserve it , he didn't deserve to have that luxury. Most things didn't even taste right anyways, it was always too dull and no flavor. He didn't trust the food in the manor on the rare occasions he went there, he always felt that his food would be mixed with sedatives so that they could trap him. Oh, what joy would the Bat would have keeping him locked away somewhere, so that he wouldn't get in his way, or if something were to happen to him on patrol after one of their meals, and he would have to be benched. 

He would also sometimes get into some fights, yea that was probably it. At times, he would start reckless fights and allow them to rough him up a bit, There would be times when he would be so irritated with himself and needed someone to deal with him and then there would times when he felt that he could take everyone on and would just fall short mid fight. I guess that would be considered self harm ?

He stayed quiet for a while, causing her to look up at him. Her eyebrow raised. He gulped down the small amount of saliva he had in his mouth, burning his throat. 

❛❛ I get into fights a lot. ❜❜ he answered truthfully, no reason to hide it. When he's not Jason Todd, He's red hood. Which does require a lot of fighting. The difference now is that he doesn't have anything left in himself to win. 

❛❛ Okay. Is a factor of the amount of fights you get into is because you act without thinking? ❜❜ Her eyebrows was still raised, pen still on her notepad. Her eyes were now on his torso, which made him shift uncomfortably. He was pretty sure he had a few procedures for him to be breathing. She probably saw some of his injuries. He grimaced at the thought, he felt naked. Everything that he kept secret was now in the world's view. 

❛❛ sometimes. ❜❜ he answered, once again, truthfully. Recently, he's been acting off of impulse. The emotion was basically the only one processing in his overfilled brain. His mind was constantly flooded with all his mistakes, and everything around was so slow and lacking color. It was like he was in a colorless box and everything went 2x slower, he despised the feeling. He needed to feel something at times. The quickest feeling that came to him was pain. After all, it was the one he remembered most vivid. 

❛❛ Do you get into fights because you want to get hurt ? ❜❜ She asked as she jotted down her notes. 

❛❛ sometimes. ❜❜

She nodded, not pressing further. Jason was glad that at least she wasn't pressuring, he wasn't exactly in the mind state to take any pressure. 

❛❛ How are things going at home with your family ? ❜❜ 

❛❛ good. ❜❜ he answered quickly. He dug his pointer finger into the white sheets, he didn't want to talk about his family. God, he hoped he didn't have to talk about them. They weren't really the problem anyways, he was the poison to their crops. He really didn't want to have any more problems with them than he most likely does now. 

Ms. Bingham had eyed him suspiciously after his quick comment. Her lips thinning into a line on her face. There was yet another pause between them, she looked like she was thinking hard about something. 

❛❛ Jason, you're doing great by the way. Thank you for talking to me. You're really strong. ❜❜ She reassured him, her features softening. For someone with a good power face, she's good at displaying emotion.

❛❛ mhm. ❜❜

❛❛ Though, I need you to be completely honest with me, okay ? ❜❜ she confirmed to him, she made sure to keep her voice as steady as her last statement. Trying to keep the peace between the both of them, Jason admired that about her. Nevertheless, he couldn't hold back the growing panic striving through his body at this moment. He hated how fucking weak he was right now, how he couldn't even lie properly. 

He nodded slowly, he was now gripping the angel white sheets. He bit at his tongue harshly in nervousness. 

❛❛ How are your relationships with the people close to you ? ❜❜ She asked, smiling softly at him, even with her heavy questions contradicting her appearance.

❛❛ they're okay. ❜❜ He mutters quietly, it was mostly a lie. 

He and his family didn't have the best relationship, he had a pretty stable relationship with Artemis and Bizarre, but they were gone. He and Kory stayed on good terms, but he knew her loyalties would always lie with Dick, so he didn't even allow the faux thoughts to linger. The same went with Donna and Kyle, maybe even worse. They weren't that close even after crossing worlds together.

_**Roy Harper**_. Well, things with him was very much complicated. Roy always had a part of his in his grasp, they've been through a lot together. He had been the last person to take care of him before he finally got sick of him and left.

He remembered the redhead's wolfish grin and his soft touches. How the older male had held him so close and placed all his pressure again him, when he felt like he was falling and when the pressure began to feel insufferable and Jason began to suffocate. He removed his body and instead just gave his hand, allowing. Roy had kept him grounded and checked. The archer had helped him breathe normally. 

Then he had to fuck that up too, their last fight so vivid in his mind. He pushed the older male away too far and pulled at his strings. He didn't tell him everything he was feeling, and he doubted her understood anyways, he did the best he could and Jason will always appreciate that. He didn't deserve him anyways, better to keep him far away from him as possible. 

He gulped at the memories of the other male. He began to feel caged in, he was exhausted physically and mentally, he felt like he was being picked out like a lab rat. The senses in his nose kept tapping in and out, and the smell of disinfectant wavered. 

❛❛ Okay. ❜❜ she resigned, taking a pause from the questions, much to Jason's relief. 

❛❛ They were all here earlier, they left after I gave them a report on how you were improving and gave them advice to rest up. They all seemed to care so much about you. ❜❜ She told him, a small smile gracing her lips, her dimples showing slightly.

Jason eyed her after that comment _❛ oh god, shit. shit. Bad. They know where I am and saw me, they're mad. Fuck —_ ❜ he thought to himself, they were most definitely pissed at him. He had to get out of here, he needed to leave as fast as humanly possible before they get back. They can't see him again, that was the point. He was surprised that he actually wasn't in arkham asylum already. Or was he ? No he couldn't be, the nice doctor _**TOLD**_ him he was in Gotham General — Or was the lady lying to him ?

He began to tap his index finger quickly against the bed. Biting into the bottom of his lips, half of his body felt like it was severing itself off of him, his senses were an absolute mess and apparently his emotions had heightened to the point his vision blurred and a faint ringing now controlled his eyesight and hearing. 

❛❛ Am I going transferred to Arkham Asylum ? ❜❜ he questioned coarsely, his eyes were definitely now looking into the female. He was a mess of emotions, he knew that he was fucked up and shit but he really didn't want to be in Arkham. He had no doubt that most of the Rogues knew who he was under the mask, and him being locked up with them. After, what he tried to do to himself and the bad history he had with all of them, there were going to have him skinned alive. The remains of his reputation was going to be ruined**_<strike> (if it wasn't already)</strike>_** and he'd rather carve a circle in his stomach with a table knife than to be two cells away from the joker -

❛❛ What ? No. No Jason, you're not going to Arkham — ❜❜ Dr. Bingham tried to explain, her eyes wide in shock. She etched closer, wanting to comfort and relax him.

❛❛ Listen, I need to get out of here. Miss, I know what I did was stupid and I won't do it again. I just gotta get out of here. ❜❜ He pleaded with her, his voice was trembling as he struggled to sit up. He was seeing double, and the ringing in his head was oscillated. He had begun to cry once again, this time much harder than before. His teeth gritted together as his hands pulled against the restraints, causing a ripping pain to be felt in both of his hands. A desperate whine escaped his lips. 

❛❛ Jason, I can't let you go right now. We need to help you get better, and you're not better. I can assure you, you're not going to Arkham. ❜❜ she tried to soothe, she grabbed a device from her pocket, pressing the red button on it. While, Jason was sending himself into a tizzy. 

❛❛ Miss you don't understand — please. Please. I really need to go. I'm not crazy, okay ? ❜❜ he pleaded with the older woman. His words cried of desperation and need, they can't see him anymore. Especially not awake, this was all so / _bad_ / , why does everything have to / _suck_ / for Jason. 

Two male nurses came in, both wearing Paul aquamarine scruffs and cloudy gray gloves, they weren't too big. Both of them around 5'9 (1.75 m)ish and pretty lean builds. They got closer to Jason, causing a weak growl to escape his lips, he thrashed away as panic enveloped him. His sense of smell completely tapped out and black spots appeared faintly. The two men surrounded both of his bedsides, and calmly pushed him down back on the bed. 

❛❛ STOP ! STOP ! LET GO OF ME ! ❜❜ He shrieked out, everything was now burning up for him. One of the men had a syringe, most likely a sedative. He kept Jason's right arm still as he injected the clear liquid into his bloodstream. Jason banged his head against the pillow as he was being restrained, kicking his long lean legs against the railing. 

❛❛ Jason calm down. We're all trying to help you. ❜❜ The doctor said , with both nurses restraining him on the bed. She was able to get closer to him, her big red hair moving slightly from the bun that it was in, her frown deepening at the sight of him.

❛❛ Get AWAY from ME. ❜❜ he screamed , his words wavered as the sedatives were beginning to work. His mind and body were at war with each other now. His eyes were giving up on him now as the black spots were beginning to take control. 

A cool sensation eased over his body as he felt himself grow tired and relax, he couldn't really feel much in his limbs but it didn't really freak him out as much. He felt the pressure of the nurses release, and distantly heard the other adults in the room talk.

❛❛ we need to get him into the psychiatric ward now. He needs intensive psychiatric help and a proper evaluation. I also need to check his wrists for any damages to make sure he doesn't bleed out .❜❜

❛❛ I agree , do we call the family ? ❜❜

❛❛ No, the way he responded when I mentioned them was concerning. I don't believe it's best for them to be around him until we have a proper investigation on everyone. ❜❜

❛❛ but miss, they're the Wayne family, and we saw how worried they were about him ? ❜❜

❛❛ I don't give a damn if they're the damn Wayne family , Nurse John. I am not putting their feelings over my patient'ss mental and physical health. Call the Psych unit and order for him to be placed in a vacant room, now. ❜❜

❛❛ I — yes ma'am. ❜❜ 

He gave a low whine, the conversation distant in his mind, he didn't want to go to the psych ward, he was going to be / fine /. All he wanted was to leave and get as far away from Bruce as humanly possible. The red hood allowed himself to succumb to the darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYO GUYS , I hoped you enjoyed the chapter .
> 
> JASON IS ALIVE ! YAY !  
Y'all are real lucky because I was actually planning on killing him off last chapter but decided against it because Jason deserves justice ☺
> 
> I would like to issue an apology if anything was inaccurate medical wise during this scene . I tried my best to keep a solid mix of my own medical knowledge , the ones I've researched on and a portion of accurate comic fiction to keep everything realistic but close to the batcharacters . 
> 
> I would also want to apologize if they were any mistakes in the chapter :3:3:3 
> 
> Again , I truly do hope that you enjoyed this chapter. Please remember to comment and give those kudos , I know I don't reply to everyone but I really do try and your comments make my heart go 💨💗💗 
> 
> My tumblr : gothamstwink  
My wattpad : jakegyllenballs  
My instagram : arsenalthreads


	6. EVERYTHING I WANTED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damian and Roy have a nice talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I’m back with an update, I’m so sorry for not uploading for a while. I’ve been struggling with my own mental health issues and needed to take a step back. 
> 
> I was also getting really insecure about my writing for a moment. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough and was fucking up a lot. I ended up just practicing on it for a while before it could come back to it. I also took the time to read more about bipolar disorders and study diagnosis. I’m trying to be as accurate as I can with its medical aspect of it.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy

_ **PREVIOUSLY ON ❛❛ I'M SORRY ❜❜** _

_❛❛ I agree , do we call the family ? ❜❜_

_❛❛ No, the way he responded when I mentioned them was concerning. I don't believe it's best for them to be around him until we have a proper investigation on everyone. ❜❜_

_❛❛ but miss, they're the Wayne family, and we saw how worried they were about him ? ❜❜_

_❛❛ I don't give a damn if they're the damn Wayne family , Nurse John. I am not putting their feelings over my patient's mental and physical health. Call the Psych unit and order for him to be placed in a vacant room, now. ❜❜_

_❛❛ I - yes ma'am. ❜❜_

_He gave a low whine, the conversation distant in his mind, he didn't want to go to the psych ward, he was going to be / fine /. All he wanted was to leave and get as far away from Bruce as humanly possible. The red hood allowed himself to succumb to the darkness._

* * *

**DAMIAN'S POV**

**LOCATION: GOTHAM MALL**

**TIME: 2:25 PM ( E.T)**

❛❛ JON, OVER HERE. ❜❜ The young teen shouted, waving his hand in emphasis to gain the attention of his long time best friend, Jonathan Kent.

The taller boy looks over and grins at Dami , passing the civilians in the mall and jogging over towards Damian in a pair of blue jeans and a gray shirt. A small smile graced the superhuman's face as he immediately pulls the older teen into a tight hug. Damian felt himself being lifted off the ground from the gesture.

❛❛ it's nice to see you, Jon. ❜❜ Damian murmured into the other's ear , his hands deep into the taller male's dark locks of hair, gripping onto i as if it was lifeline. The comforting scent of Jon's coconut shampoo and sweet woodsy cologne filling his nostrils .

❛❛ Same for you, Dami. Hey, I'm sorry about what happened. I hope Jason is alright.❜❜ Jon comforted, rubbing circles around his back to soothe the youngest Wayne. His words were soft spoken and well meaning but sunk into damian's skin like needles, he never expected in a million years that his best friend would be givingcondolences for his older brother. If it was anyone else giving their sympathy Damian probably would have lost it on them but Jon was different.

He sighed . ❛❛ Yea me too❜❜ Damian agreed solemnly, pushing the darker thoughts in his mind away . He needed to get to the main objective, they were both running out of time to find harper before he reaches Gotham.

❛❛ I need your help with something ❜❜ He started , pushing himself off the youngest kent's embrace and quickly regrouping. He ran a hand through his growing locks and grabbed the younger teen by the bicep, leading them both towards the exit of the mall .

Jon nodded, completely unfazed by the gesture. ❛❛ Anything. Shoot. ❜❜ he spoke, eyes locked on Damian trusting him to lead the way without bumping into anybody.

❛❛ I need you to take me to star city, i need to have a chat with Roy harper ❜❜ He finally confronted , giving a glance over to the krypotonian, as if he was testing the waters with him. The automatic doors opening and them passing through them, exiting the mall into the gray skies and cluttered sidewalks of Gotham city.

Shocked by the request , Jon pulled Damian to the side of the street, Dumbfounded. ❛❛ what ? Why ? What does Roy harper have to do with anything right now ? ❜❜ he asked perplexed.

Damian eyebrows knitted in the way they do when he was deadset on what he was doing. ❛❛ He has to do with everything right now, Jonathan. Can you take me there or _not_ ? ❜❜ The older asked tetchy , he was getting testy. His heart racing for an answer, his mind reminding him of the clock that was ticking.

❛❛ I mean yea , of course. I just don't understand why you need to talk to him so badly to leave Gotham. Especially right now . ❜❜ Jon complied , noticing the others impatience. He must have recognized how serious the situation was, though there was still that hint of confusion.

His eyes softened and he huffed out a breath. He felt himself feeling suffocated by the lack of action every second that passed . ❛❛ Just - can you trust me please ? It's important to Jason. ❜❜ Damian affirmed, grabbing Jon's hand tightly into his own. His forest emerald fighting Jon's icey blue, Jon sighed finally succumbing to Damian's pleas.

❛❛ I - okay. Star city it is.❜❜ he agreed nodding , he began to lead the way towards the trees behind the vacant lot for them to begin their travels to star city. Damian already jumping onto his back in motion like it was muscle memory ( **_<strike>it most definitely was</strike>_** ) .

The moment they were behind the trees and the coast was clear, Jon began to soar into the cloudy skies that Gotham city provided towards the warm rays of Star.

Damian gave a warm smile as the rush of air enveloped his face.

❛❛ thank you . ❜❜ his whispered into Jon's ear , burying his face into the crook of the paler teen's neck.

❛❛ You know I'll always have your back ❜❜

* * *

_ **ROY HARPER'S POV** _

_ **LOCATION : QUEEN MANSION** _

_ **TIME: 11:40 ( P.T )** _

Not a lot of things can baffle Roy harper, the redhead male has seen much too many things in his short 24 years of life for him to even bat a eyelash. However, finding your sort of ex-boyfriend/ best friend's brother/ other best friends brother / two of his closest friend's <strike>_( who so happen to be brothers_</strike> ) little brother with his trusty super powered sidekick sitting on your bed with your bow in his hand, can always up your standards on bafflement.

❛❛ what in the mother fuck are you doing here, damian ? ❜❜ The archer questioned dumbfounded, stopping mid track to have a stare down with the younger boy, along with giving a judging side glance to a certain little Superboy.

Roy didn't have time to babysit Damian's hijinks right now. If it was any other emergency he probably would have bemused the youngest batboy, until one of the bat clan couldpick him up. However , his main focus was on getting to Gotham to be there for Jason. He didn't even want to start to comprehend how Damian even got out of Gotham without one of the batflock plucking him up, wasn't Dick handling things over there ?

❛❛ I don't have time for your extraneous skepticism, Harper. I need answers on To-, / **_Jason_** / this instant. You spent a good portion of your adulthood having intimate relations with him, so I assume you have asufficient amount of information for what I'm looking for. ❜❜ Damian explained parsimoniously, the younger's forest green hues glaring directly into his sea green. He was quite shocked on the upgrade Jason got name basis with Dami, before the only person he called by their first name was Jon.

Roy briefly returned the glare, crossing his muscular biceps before turning his attention towards Jon, waiting for the younger male's explanation.

❛❛ What about you Jon ? I bet supes wouldn't be too happy with you travelling the states to help a teenager interrogate an adult. ❜❜ He questioned with a more condescending attitude, feeling slight satisfaction with how the boy squirmed under his gaze.He usually didn't want to intimidate the boy, Jon was truly a good kid and always looked out for people, like his father. However, today was the perfect day to have an exception.

❛❛ I - Uh - I came to be the emotional support Mr. Harper. ❜❜ Jon answered truthfully, lowering his head in embarrassment. Roy sighed placing his attention back on Damian, he couldn't really blame Jon for that reason, it seemed like every batkid had their own emotional support buddy, _he would know_.

❛❛ How did you even get in here, you know , without breaching the security system ? ❜❜ Roy asked, raising an eyebrow in suspicion. Damian seemed to be getting tired of his skepticism, scoffing in annoyance and raising his voice.

❛❛ Your father has pathetic security and it's quite sad knowing you could probably update it. I'm not going to continue having this small lady talk with you any further, Why did you and Jason break up ? ❜❜ Damian deadpanned, his own arms crossed and his legs straightened. His posture demanded respect like always, the kid was dead set on getting answers and Roy doesn't know how he'll get through this without yelling at the kid or calling Dick and placing the poor acrobat in a tizzy.

❛❛ That's none of your business, Damian . You wouldn't understand any more of it. ❜❜ Roy proclaimed, his eyes boring into damian's. Damian had no right in his personal business, especially not with Jason. He understood his worry but he was not the person to lash it out on. He was honestly getting real tired of being dragged into these Wayne family messes. Besides, the kid probably hasn't even went out on a date yet, let alone be in a serious relationship and he doesn't think the league of assassins has a rule book on how to be emotionally stable in relationships either.

❛❛ Try me, harper.I'm not letting you go until you tell me what I'm here for.❜❜ Damian kept on instigating, his mind set on his goal to find the truth at Roy's expense. Somethings were clearly revealed in terms of Jason, there wasn't another reason why he was so adamant on their relationship.

❛❛ We needed to branch out from eachother. ❜❜ Roy deadpanned , making motion to move on with his plans on traveling to Gotham but clearly Damian is incapable of reading the room because he continued to press from his spot in the room. His eyes bordering on him so intensely that Batman in the flesh would be proud of his son's capabilities.

❛❛ Todd seemed satisfied being by your side and if the message he left before his actions were anything to go by, it seemed he longed for it. ❜❜ Damian pressured on, leaning forward in intimidation. He was dead set on retrieving answersfrom the redhead. It was clear he wanted actual detailed reasons on why they broke up, telltales of their messy times together.

❛❛ Jay doesn't know what he wants sometimes ❜❜ Roy counteracted, pushing on defense with Damian.

He wasn't completely wrong either, Jason wasn't always in the right mind-state to make certain decisions. He's seen it first hand with their relationship, he doesn't want to make the same mistakes again even for the man he loves with his whole heart. 

❛❛ Jason always seems to know what he feels for you. ❜❜ Damian instigated further, he also wasn't completely wrong, he may not have been the closest to Jason but he knew enough about him to know how far he could love and Roy Harper was at the main center. He recognized the security Jason felt around Roy, the way Jay's muscles would be limp and relaxed when the redhead had his hands on his waist. How easily it was for Jason to give him physical affection and show his emotions around Roy. That wasn't Jason being impulsive or insane, that was Jason **LOVING**.

❛❛ Jason never knew how to show it consistently. ❜❜ Roy said , he had a point there too. Having a relationship isn't a one way street, he deserved to have a consistent flow of love too. He deserved that same security and that same relaxation. His problems weren't sunflowers and daisies, he wasn't always there either but he never let it stop him from being there for Jason. He never asked for more than the bare minimum with Jason and god he tried _so hard_.

❛❛ But he still showed it nonetheless, did he not ? ❜❜ The rhetoric was like a slap to the face. It hit points in Roy that caught him off guard, Roy knew it shouldn't have and it was a easy response back but it still held many truths to it. Since, at the end of the day he knew Jason well enough that the bare minimum for him would be the hardest obstacles for Jason. That communication was something Jason was foreign with, he knew how much manipulation and isolation his man had to endure. He saw the scars he's had and he's heard the stories, the damage was there for everyone to see and he was selfish enough to still ask for more. He didn't regret having standards but he regretted not being able to complete them with Jason because it hurt so much not having him around.

❛❛ Yea , but it's not always that black and white. Jason needed help in ways i couldn't give him . I love and care about him but I also care about myself too.❜❜ Roy retorted , a glare forming against Damian now.The kid was having him reevaluate his whole ex relationship and it felt like he was guilt tripping him into answers. It was working but it definitely was mentally scathing nonetheless.

❛❛ So that's why you decided to hurt him ? ❜❜ Damian interrogated. The accusation was definitely hinted but still shocked him, he never would hurt Jason and he thought that was basic knowledge to the public. If Damian seriously had the fucking balls to come to him with this bullshit instead of his own family than he's a madman that needs to re-evaluate HIS environment.

❛❛ wait , what?Damian I would never hurt Jason ! Why would you evensuggest that ? ❜❜ Roy yelled out , his face twisted in confusion and offense. 

❛❛ dami , i Don't think Roy would -❜❜ Jonathan tried to intervene but was quickly cut off by his own friend. Damian was too busy grilling him to listen to basic reason, he had an agenda and he was going to finish with it.

❛❛ shut it, Jon. ❜❜ the teenage boy snarked out .

❛❛Perhaps not phsyically, you wouldn't last long. Yet, mentally ? You broke into his mind , made him believe we didn't care for him, that he had no control over himself. Hm ? Made him believe that he wasn't good enough ! That he was better off without us because he only pulled us back. That he even wasn't good enough for you and perhaps you said you even pitied him. It would make sense for him to believe all of that knowing Todd wasn't always the most confident, he would later self deprecate . Which , made him weaker combat wise and social wise. Hence,the recent bruises and scars he has acquired recently. You made him / **reckless** / and emotional enough for him to get to that point to even kill himself. Didn't you, harper ? ❜❜ Damian deciphered, his voice was on the breaking point of yelling. It was shocking that oliveror Dinah hadn't barged in yet with how tense this conversation is going .

❛❛ Damian come on , don't you think it's a bit much ? ❜❜ Jon tried to reason and ease the tension.It being a "bit much " was a bit of an understatement for him. It was clear the farm boy would rather not see the two fight right now and Damian was definitely pushing lines. He can't believe he got himself caught in the middle of this mess , he understood where Damian was coming from. God knows what he had to see in the past few hours, he could tell Damian was just looking for answers and vulnerable. Yet, that didn't make it any better blaming Roy for this, he was obviously hurting too.

Roy was taken back the accusations, anger taking over his features as he curled his hands into fists.It was taking every molecule in his body not to surplex the youngest robin out of his bedroom window. All he ever did was try to do the exact OPPOSITE of what the demon brat was talking about. It was clear that the boy was desperate to help his brother and find the root of his problems and switch it around.

❛❛ Damian I swear to fucking god. I'm not in a position to deal with your fucking ignorant accusations. I'm calling dick right fucking now. ❜❜ Roy growled, meaning every word of his warning.He truly didn't want to dignify that way too descriptive explanation of him being a so called emotional abuser with a response. He made a move to exit the room as he pulled his phone out.He was being way too patient with the brat, he needed to get them out of here somehow and just handle his shit with Jason in Gotham, between the two of them. Like two grown adults caring for EACHOTHER.

❛❛ ADMIT IT, HARPER ! ADMIT WHAT YOU DID TO MY BROTHER. ❜❜ Damian continued to press , sprinting from his spot on the bed to follow the older male. However , he was successfully stopped by Jon who now stood in front of him.

❛❛ Damian ! ❜❜ Jon intervened stepping forward to be a barrier between the two males. His face expressed his torn emotions on the situation.

Roy was at his breaking point with the youngest robin, the accusations and the invasion of privacy was some of the things Roy could never just be okay with. Damian and him always had a rocky relationship, the boy always disapproved of him and his friendship with Dick and later his relationship with Jason. No matter how much respect he got from other heroes to the point of even having a membership with the Justice league he would always be minimal to his precious family. He was completely tired of being patient with the young man.

❛❛ _ALL I / **EVER** / DID TO JASON WAS BE THERE FOR HIM. I WAS THE ONE WHO TOOK CARE OF HIM WHEN YOU GUYS BROKE HIM DOWN. NONE OF YOU COULD NEVER EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND THE SHIT THAT GOES THROUGH JASON'S MIND ORTHE PAIN YOU'VE CAUSED HIM. YOU COULDN'T BEGIN TO FATHOM HOW HARD I WORKED FOR HIM.I HAD TO PICK UP THE GODDAMN PIECES EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME YOU PEOPLE DECIDED TO FUCK HIM OVER_. ❜❜ Roy roared, the phone that was in his grasp close to breaking . Turning back to face the younger male, his lip pulled back into a snarl. His patience was being tested severely and he wasn't in the right mindset to try and diffuse the situation any longer. He spotted flashes of Damian's facade falling. Clearly , Damian was getting what he came for but the answers that were being given were not the ones he expected. It was clear that Roy was his emotional outlet and boy did he mess up.

He thought that Roy would fess up to any mistakes he made against Jason, that he was as much to blame for Jason's breakdown as they were, but he severely miscalculated. Roy did his part in loving Jason, what ended up happening wasn't his fault. He couldn't control what Jason did with his life especially after their breakup and he wasn't about to let a adolescent boy tell him otherwise.

❛❛ You're going to have to give me more depth if you even think about visiting Jason. ❜❜ Damian finalized, he didn't have much to taunt Roy with. The red head made his statement and he knew he wasn't lying, it doesn't mean it didn't suck to hear it. He did have to admit this kids persistence was heavily admirable.

Roy sighed, he was at his breaking point already with this kid.He couldn't blame him for wanting answers anymore, anyone in his position would. He just didn't understand why he had to be the one he has to figure it out with, he didn't sign up for damian's tantrums. He never did.

❛❛ Jason can be . . . .complicated.❜❜ Roy started off, not meeting the other's eyes. He still could not believe he was about to open up to two teenagers about his shit.

❛❛ When we both met up again and formed the outlaws. We both weren't at our best, I was recovering from my addiction, kori was going through a path of discovery and Jason was working alone outside of Gotham after having the big fight with your family. He wssn't exactly coping well with it either.❜❜ He explained, reminiscing. Both damian and Jon were quiet with their eyes steadily focused on him. He couldn't believe he was telling them all of this.

❛❛ Jason and I weren't really friends until a few months after working together.He always tried to keep a protective wedge between us, and I didn't really know much about him to go off on besides what Dick had told me about him and the little he told me when we hung out when he was robin. One of the things I knew was he didn't have to best track record with the men in his life, so It took a lot of time of me bugging him and being open for him to finally warm up to me. ❜❜ He continued to tell, a quick smirk formed on his face around the thought of him trying to get Jason to open up back then. He remembered how confused Jason would get when he grabbed those roses for him after stopping some goons on a mission. The way he would smile when he was able to drag him out to see the stars. How he let him kick his ass in training sessions and the way Jason would light up.

❛❛ okay, what else ? ❜❜ Damian persued, raising his eyebrows slightly in impatience. Jon punched his arm in warning when Roy sent them a glare. His phone still in his hand and boy any guilt he had of calling dick went away.

❛❛i'm getting to that ❜❜ Roy bickered , rolling his eyes continuing. ❛❛ When we finally became friends and started to really hang out. Jason opened up a lot to me about certain things he went through, stuff that I'm sure he didn't tell anybody else about like his life on the streets , robin , his death. ❜❜ he listed off, emphasizing on the last sentence.

He remembered when Jason told him about how his father would have these episodes where he would bug out hard, how he would be in and out the house with money and drugs in his pockets, how the arguments him and his mother would have would be in 3d, his father broke a lot of their things, and there were points were Jason was so scared he was going to beat him and his mother up.

At one point in their relationship, Jason told him about how this one time his father was so crazed out he took him out to go to the carnival, the thought of it wasn't so bad until he told him how his father traveled two states over and basically went at least 20 miles over the speed limit and even gotten into a brutal fight. He told him he spent a lot of money on him that day too, it was there family savings too, how he bought him so many toys and cotton candy and even some new shirts. It was the only day his father told him he loved him, it was also the day when he got arrested.

Jason told him how his mother died, when the little bits of his mother being sober was filled with her crying herself to sleep and nightmares of how her life went to shit. Jason expressed how clearly depressed his mother was and how much he regretted not getting her.

He told him the truth of how his first time really was, and how old he lost the last semblance of his innocence.

There were even points were Jason told him stories of Bruce, how good Bruce was to him but not to himself. He told him how he saw how Bruce felt things so hard it was unhealthy. There were days Bruce would get sad and lock himself away, how it physically hurt him to express some emotions. Like he was genuinely scared for the outcome. The way Bruce would sometimes get hurt and not want help and how he would deflect his pain into others. Later on, Roy would later find out Jason was able to read Bruce so good because he had the same problems. It was just Bruce always had to take it a step too far and Jason would be the one to pay for it the most. Never let it be unsaid that the ones who feel the most are the ones who hurt the most too.

Jason told him about how he clawed his way out of grave, how he had dirt in his eyes and his nails were ripped off. He told him about how painful the waters were, how harsh he trained after. Jason trusted him with some of the most darkest days of his life and he wouldn't ever bring himself to tell anyone about it. That was TRUST.

❛❛ we built a trust with eachother and of course he became more open with our future together. The more we became intimate , I saw more signs in Jason not being okay. ❜❜ Roy admitted , his free hand running through his hair. It should've been more obvious with all the stories he already told him at that point, he was extremely proud of Jason's endurance and at the same time was sad that anyone had to go through such a life.

❛❛ At first , I noticed he would have these moments where he'd be more than fine , you know ? He'd wake up doing everything he wanted to do on a nitro and more, it was hard to keep up with him when he got like that. It would be harder to talk to him without him getting to agitated, he would get annoyed when someone wouldn't respond to him as quickly as he needed them to.When we would go on missions, he was too quick to react and sometimes costed us leads. He was more brutal with his opponents to, there were points were Kori and I had to talk him down from a few unnecessary maims. He'd start to freak out about little minor details and get really exasperated over it.❜❜

❛❛ He would get himself injured by instigating these unnecessary fights and not even notice the damage. He'd just keep moving like he was in a game. Everything for him looked so minimal and in need and he couldn't do anything to control it.❜❜ Roy finished describing, taking in a harsh breath. It felt kind of liberating talking to someone about his experience, granted it wasn't in the best terms.

❛❛ Mania. ❜❜ Damian summarized , scrunching his nose at the thought.He remembered what the doctor had told them when they were all in the room. ❛❛ Those moments Jason was experiencing, those were his manic episodes. ❜❜ He continue to conclude, Roy nodding in clarification. The room was now washed over with melancholy.

Jon looked between both of them confused, his eyebrows raised and his lip twitched in thought.

❛❛ Mania ? Isn't that when somebody is really happy and active?❜❜ he asked genuinely confused, naive about the situation concerning the behavior. Roy shook his head as Damian sighed.

❛❛ Not exactly,Mania can be when somebody is really hyped up and obsessive. Happiness can be apart of it but it's never just that. Some people can be manic and still be mad or agitated. One of the main things mania brings is a lack of self preservation and control and increase in impulse. Hence what Harper meant when he said Jason acted like he was in a game. ❜❜ Damian explained giving his friend a glance. Jon had an embarrassed look on his face now and rubbed the back of his neck.

❛❛ The doctor told us that he had the second type of bipolar disorder. ❜❜ Damian confessed, his voice was soft and tired. The bad cop facade slipping away.

❛❛ He would have more moments of being depressed though. In the beginning , he would dissociate from everyone around him,it was like we weren't there. He didn't want to talk at all and he was physically struggling to do tasks. When I tried to ask him what's wrong he would just stare at me like he didn't know what to do. He would be slower and less concentrated with things around him. He couldn't form any communication but be able to get so frustrated. Sometimes, if he even had enough energy he would just lash out on me or kori. I don't know if it was the same for his newer teammates.❜❜

❛❛ I finally was able to talk him into getting some help. We were staying in gotham for a little while and I got Jason to go to this therapist that worked in a clinic. He saw her 3 times a week and got evaluated, and that's how he got diagnosed. ❜❜ Roy told them.

❛❛So it got better right ? ❜❜ Jon asked hopefully.

❛❛For a little while yes, The therapy was working and Jason got better at giving us signs with how he was feeling and his behavior. The medications were a little tricky, some of them made him too sleepy and others didn't really work at all. We got to one that was pretty stable with him but kept him jittery. It was the best one we could get and knowing how much pills bugged Jason out. I don't know if he could've worked up to working to find a better one. ❜❜ Roy confessed to them, at times there were moments that made him question if they really explored all of Jason's options, they both knew that money wouldn't be a problem even if they didn't have use their father's money. Jason was so scared of what would've happened if his family found out that he never wanted to get too deep into it. He never wanted any of it to get too obvious to the point where it could be searched.

❛❛Jason really got worse after Bruce and him fought though. Trying to get Jason back in his original mindstate was hard and ultimately useless. It was like his psych completely broke after it.❜❜ There was a pause, Roy sucked on his teeth. The negative memories that he pushed down so hard coming back. 

❛❛ He got more depressive episodes after the fight, they got so bad that he would stay in bed for weeks at a time. He nearly got infections because it was hard for me to change his bandages with him in that state. He would just lay in bed curled up.I had to literally carry him to take baths and comb his hair.❜❜ The memories started to flush through Roy's mind.

❛❛ When he gets in that state, he would just stare at something and start crying. He'd sometimes get these panic attacks in the middle of nowhere, his face would twist up like he was in pain it was like he was drowning. No matter how much air he took in it wasn't going through.He completely dissociated with certain touches so it was harder to find ways to comfort him and get him to relax. ❜❜

Hearing all of this completely terrified Damian, he knew he wasn't the most supportive brother in the family. Hell all of them are emotionally constipated in some type of way, but it didn't make sense that Jason had to fight this all alone. It disgusted him, not even his own mother is that cruel. The way he was raised was to avenge and protect the ones he holds dear, never to tear them down. It was always all for one and one for all.

❛❛ I — I'm sorry you had to go through that. ❜❜ Jon apologized, a solemn expression on his face. This was all probably new to him

❛❛ You should've told us.Why didn't you tell us ?❜❜ Damian tried to argue. The words coming out of Harper's mouth kept running through his mind. They should've been a family for Jason , he clearly was not well and needed them to heal him. It's not fair.

❛❛You don't get it do you ? what it's like, seeing someone you love in so much pain but you can't stop it.The toughest part of it all, is struggling tounderstand what's going on inside oftheir heads. Having to repeat that cycle with that version of themselves over and over again with that guilt wearing you down as you struggle to keep them moving. . . .But when those small moments come, When everything feels so normal that you almost forget everything you've been through, you feel relieved and small things start to click in your mind on the little needs they desire like consistency and love. ❜❜ Roy combatted , his voice was steady but the emotions showed all over his face as he explained to both of the younger boys.

❛❛That even if they still have their moments, that kiss on their cheek in the morning and that love you that slips out of their mouth makes everything a little more bearable for them. That it's about having that security that when they fall you'll hold them and patch them up. You're family can't do that Damian , look at your father ! He seems like he has everything in control but he's no better than Jason in themental aisle, at least with Jay he knew something was wrong and got help. Your dad is mentally / sick / and everyone is too scared to tell him that and get him help. ❜❜Roy spoke, all the solemn emotions were gone and replaced with a determined one. He was sure he was probably the only outsider from that family to actually say that out loud.

❛❛YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MY FATHER ! DO NOT DISRESPECT HIM !❜❜ Damianscreamed, even if Roy was right it didn't give him the right to talk about his father. At least Bruce was there and tried in his own fucked up way. He knew his father wasn't ideal and he even ridiculed him and his other family members for his atrocious familial skills but that was still information that should've been shared to them. At least to Drake or even Grayson, as much of a bumbling idiot his oldest brother is he would’ve done something. Drake most definitely would’ve gotten Jason the best medical care and would’ve stuck by him throughout the whole process. Even he would’ve, he’s seen men in sorrow before and not once did he not help them. His mother made sure of that.

There were footsteps approaching Roy's room but everyone was too into the conversation to even notice.

❛❛ IT'S NOT ABOUT DISRESPECT DAMIAN, It's About The Fact That your Father Is Clearly EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE AND DEPRESSED But Doesn't Know How To Handle It So He Takes It Out On HIS KIDS.❜❜Roy yelled back , Damian took a step back, Jon flinching behind of him.He wasn’t trying to start another emotional roller coaster but it’s clear as day that even though Damian has a semblance of being a realist with his own family, he still doesn’t understand the gravity of how fucked up they are.

❛❛AS MUCH AS MY FATHER HAS PLENTY TO WORK ON, THAT INFORMATION WAS SIGNIFICANT TO OUR FAMILY AND YOU KEPT EVERYTHING FROM US .❜❜ Damian tried , tears brimming his eyes as he pointed accusingly towards Roy. Jon moving next to him grabbing his hand holding it in his own.That kid was seriously some good emotional support.

❛❛ AND NO ONE IS QUESTIONING THAT, BUT I DID WHAT WAS BEST FOR JASON❜❜ Roy quickly assured, he was starting to feel sorry for the kid. Jon was doing a good job keeping him back. ❛❛ But your dad isn't okay Damian, he has a shit ton of pain inside of him.All it takes is looking him in the face to see it, he needs to get help and it no ones fault. ESPECIALLY not yours but someone needs to man up and tell him to face the music.I know that you care aboutJason, you wouldn't be here if you didn't, but Jason isn't one of your puppies. He's a human being that has been repeatedly fucked over by your family. ❜❜ Roy reasoned, his face twisted in sympathy as he saw the tears finally starting to leak from Damian's eyes. 

Jon pulled damian to face him, taking on his role of emotional support a step further . The door opened , revealing a particularly concerned blonde archer.

❛❛ I would ask what's going on here but I think I already got a clue. ❜❜ Oliver proclaimed , his hand still on the doorknob as he examined the clear distress in the room.Roy took a deep breath in and sighed for what felt like the millionth time. Which earned him a special worried dad look from Oliver.

❛❛How much of that did you hear ? ❜❜ he asked Sheepishly, god he could use a beer and a good cigarette right now. Oliver sent him a sympathetic look and squeezed his shoulder, which kind of confirmed his thoughts. He then turned over to see a very familiar country alien's son comforting Bruce's demonic one. The answer was clear by his expressions as it twisted in pity.

❛❛ Enough not to question anything that's going on. ❜❜ He simply retorted, he looked over to Roy's already packed bags and went into motion to get them. Right, they were supposed to be leaving soon to go to Gotham for some more emotional baggage that he had to unlock.

❛❛I know this is probably the worst time right now to talk to you kids, but we're kind of on a hurry out of here now. You two are more than welcomed to join us back.❜❜ he announced , Roy feeling heavy relief as Oliver took over the situation. Damian of course sent him a skeptical look but obliged nonetheless, making his way across the room. He made sure to knock into Roy menacingly too. 

He gave a tired huff and took this moment to help out oliver and grab some of his own bags to get going downstairs. Jon rushing over to Damian to stop him in front of the door.

❛❛what about my dad ? ❜❜ Jon asked as he had an arm slung around Damian, the robin now deciding glaring daggers into the archer. ‘ Great now the kid is mad at me for telling the truth ’ he thought to himself. Before he was able to answer Jon’s question, Oliver came to the rescue again.

Oliver snorted ❛❛ Don't worry about the big guy , i'll handle that.❜❜ oliver reassured , pulling the luggage out the room. The rest of them following in tow, they all went downstairs and were met with Dinah who was also ready to leave. 

The shocked expression that took over Dinah’s face wouldn’t been priceless if it wasn’t for the fact that he had the same one a few moments ago. He gave her a tired look and it only seemed to worsen because now she shot him a pitiful one.

❛❛ i didn't think we would be having company with us ❜❜ Dinah expressed going back to her confused expression as she re-acknowledgedthe two boys standing in her foyer looking just as drained as he did. Roy gave an embarrassed look back as flustered for a way to explain his very inconvenient mess.

❛❛ We were sorta having some heart to hearts about everything going on. ❜❜ He eases out , giving her a embarrassed smile. The blonde sighed at men, she could only fathom on how that went. She was sure he would tell her all about on there plane ride.❛❛ I dont even want to know. You kids want something to eat before we go ? ❜❜ She offered politely, Jon nodded enthusiastically and Damian gave a blank nod. 

She nodded in understanding , “ I heard that you were a vegetarian but I just wanted to make sure that you still eat dairy. Since, I know some vegetarians cut off certain animal products too ” Dinah asked Damian in consideration. Which, took the younger male by surprise .

“ Yes , i still do as long as it’s cruelty free. ” he answered confused, “ How do you know that ? ” Damian couldn’t help but ask, and rightfully so because that even shocked himself.

“ Your father has mentioned it to me before ” she simply replied before shewent off to get more snacks for all of them. They were all left in each other’s company until Oliver told them the car was ready and Dinah came back with some chips and cookies.Their plan went pretty well, minus the emotional turmoil and the minor breakdowns. Roy hoped that Damian didn't blame himself for anything that has happened in the past few days. He knew the kid was mature enough to know what is happening but he could tell he that Damian didn't have the self awareness to take himself out of the equation and see the big picture.

The car ride was pretty silent, with Roy having to sit next to the two teenagers in the back as Dinah and Oliver sat in the front seat. He had already texted Dick and was getting quite frustrated on how he was practically ghosting him. There was still a lot of Tension due to Damian clearly being mad at him.

They got to the airport pretty fast and got accommodated in time.Damian had fallen asleep mid plane ride and Jon was staring out the window. He ended up telling Dinah everything that happened much to her shock.They all ended up going back to Gotham as scheduled , ready to deal with the emotional disaster that was unrolling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so we’re kind of reaching a climax here now, I really wanted to bring Roy in to the main story to have everybody present. I’m really wanting this situation the family is in to be a game changer for them, this is the point where we’re gonna dive into Bruce’s accountability and own mental health that also needs to be talked and explored about because the whole point of this is to be a fix it fic of rhato #25. 
> 
> Of course, Jason’s own journey will definitely be prominent as he is awake now and will be seen in the next chapter and hence forthcoming. I’m not planning on Jason’s arc to be daisies and sunflowers either. It’s definitely going to have his own shit going on and the psych ward in Gotham is no joke.
> 
> I also want to warn you all that Roy and Dick will not GET ALONG AT ALL in this story right now. I’ve never been a fan of Roy and Dick’s relationship in the comics. They’ve definitely butchered it since post crisis and I’m gonna keep it that way.
> 
> I tried my best to keep the essence of Roy’s Post crisis character. Hence, me mentioning him being apart of the Justice league of America, his heroin addiction and his sense of rationalization but he still has a bit of New 52 characteristics in there too. 
> 
> Now for Damian, I tried my best to keep him in character and give him good writing but I’m most familiar with Jason, dick, Tim and Bruce’s characteristics. I’ve been trying to learn more into Damian while writing this chapter but I don’t know if I did my best so if I didn’t I apologize to you Damian fans.
> 
> I will also take this moment to apologize to you Cass and Steph fans due to their lack of main character ship. Like Damian, I’m not fully knowledgeable on their runs and characteristics and I’m truly not trying to butcher them at all, so it’s hard for me to write them in as main characters apart of the main conversations. I’m learning more about them though and I’m planning on them getting their povs with Jason and Bruce soon. For now just bear with me >:,)
> 
> I already have the next chapter written and I’m just editing it so it will be up soon too. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed and byeee


	7. GIVE ME A REASON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy has a bit of stuff to say to dick.  
Bruce gets his shit called out 💕💕😍

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so hi guys I'm back,  
I'm sorry if I haven't been posting much recently. Things have just been so hard  
for me lately and I've been really depressed for the past few weeks. I've been making some minor changes and editing for this book but it's been slower than usual because of how slow I'm becoming. 
> 
> I really do hope you enjoy this chapter and it’s pretty long so take your Tim reading it ❤️

_ **TIME SKIP** _

_ **LOCATION: BRUCE's PENTHOUSE** _

_ **TIME: 5:19 E.T ( EASTERN TIME )** _

**DICK'S POV**

* * *

**A BRIGHT LIGHT FLASHED IN DICK'S FACE,** forcing the young adult out of his long-needed slumber. His eyes fluttered open to be met with a tall figure looming over his bed, he gave off a confused whine as he was too tired to get defensive. His whole body was sore and stiff from the lack of adrenaline, his left hand coming through his hair.

❛❛ Glad to see I got your attention, but it would've been nice for you to respond to my texts. ❜❜ The tall figure before him spoke, the voice that it belonged to caught him off guard. He immediately pushed himself up from his sleeping form to be met with a very familiar redhead holding a phone with his flashlight on.

❛❛ Wally? What the fuck - ❜❜ he asked sleepily dumbfounded. He didn't expect the speedster to show up all of a sudden with everything going on. He knew wally had his own shit going on at the moment and he didn't want his shit taking over. He didn't even have a clue how he knew he was here of all places. However, he was not going lay here and say that the older male's presence wasn't comforting.

Wally gave him a soft smile, throwing him a wifebeater, boxers, and some sweatpants for him to put on. Dick gladly took it, quickly putting on the wifebeater and covering himself to out the boxers and sweats.

❛❛ What happened made the news in and outside the hero community, there's a small league meeting happening soon. Barry invited me to see you and I took it because you don't respond to your messages and I want to make sure you survive the week. ❜❜ Wally explained, putting emphasis on the last sentence. He felt bad for not replying to anyone, everything has just been so crazy lately that he just hasn't had the energy to reply. He still had to sort his own emotions out before he could even consider moving on back to his personal life.

❛❛ Wait for what? Why are they having a meeting? This has nothing to do with them. How many of them are here? ❜❜ Dick questioned accusingly, standing up, a burst of irritation leveling the surface. This is a family matter, not a world matter. Everything is still so recent, why couldn't this wait. Wally moved back to give him his space to freshen up, as Dick went to put on some deodorant and cologne.

❛❛ It's based on Bruce's ethics Barry told me, they want to make sure you guys are okay of course, but they also want to talk to Bruce about his relationship with Jason. They haven't been the most subtle in handling their shit, Dickie. They decided what happened went too far. Right now, it's only Barry and Diana. Oliver is like 30 minutes away right now with Roy and Dinah. I have no clue when Clark is arriving though. ❜❜ Wally explained calmly, moving to make the bed for him. Okay, he wasn't going to lie about Jason and Bruce's relationship. They were never shy in displaying their clearly unhealthy communication skills out on each other. It still doesn't mean they couldn't wait a few more days, no one is currently in their right mind at the moment. If they think they're gonna catch Bruce in a stable mood right now out of everybody? They must be delusional.

Dick froze when he heard Roy's name come out of Wally's mouth. He completely forgot about him after everything, out of EVERYONE who he should've stayed in contact with was is Roy. He's probably missed so many calls and texts from the redheaded Archer that he's gonna be lucky he doesn't get knocked out when he sees him. Roy usually wasn't much of a hothead either, I mean sure he had a huge temper but he always leveled himself out with his charming passive aggression, Roy usually understood everything and was able to use his fucking brain. Jason was always able to bring out of a more fiery side of Roy, a side that would be so protective that all reason was out in terms of Jason, anyone who hurt him would basically have a bounty on their head. Not even when Roy was dating Donna, he would be so explosive and he was very protective of her still, I guess it all makes sense now.

Wally seemed to catch on quickly with his reaction. ❛❛ I talked to Roy before I got here though. He's not too mad with you, he might scream a little though. ❜❜ He reassured, thank god for one wally west. He knew Roy will still probably be visibly pissed but at least he won't have to worry about a surprise attack now. Dick visibly relaxed at that, continuing to freshen himself up by moving to brush his teeth.

❛❛ What would I do without you ❜❜ he halfheartedly joked, sending the speedster a small smile. He heard the other chuckle softly as he rustled the bed.

❛❛ but honestly bro, how are you doing with all this? You know can talk to me. I'm here for you ❜❜ Wally expressed, finishing up and moving towards the bathroom to face him.

Dick grunted, flashbacks of the hospital hitting him like a truck. He honestly couldn't handle talking about it without feeling a mental breakdown creep upon him. He spits out the excess toothpaste and rinsed his mouth, Wally leaning against the bathroom door as he sent a glance towards the speedster. His expression void of emotion as his eyes dimmed. How do you explain the feeling of losing someone even though they're still alive? He failed Jason in so many ways, he failed himself with this family.

❛❛ I - ❜❜ he tried to speak, falling flat. ❛❛ I'm really tired, I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do. ❜❜ he admitted lowly, dropping the brush on the counter looking the older in the face. A frown embraced Wally's features as he came over and pulled him into a hug. He didn't know how he was able to work up tears or if they were always there but all he knew is they started coming out like a faucet. His arms wrapping around the speedster like he was his lifeline.

He shouldn't allow himself to get to this point, he shouldn't be able to turn himself so numb. He's grateful for having the support he has with his friends, more now than ever. He wished that Jason was able to have more of this support before he decided to try and take his own life.

❛❛ How - How did I let this happen? He's my fucking brother ! ❜❜ he murmured into the wally's shoulder, feeling callused hands run through his scalp. He was such a mess right now, he has responsibilities to take care of. Why couldn't he pull himself together? He needs to pull himself together and go outside, he needs to make sure Steph and Cass ate, that Tim slept. He knew Bruce wasn't going to do it, knowing his father. He was probably brooding somewhere in a depressive state, prone to explosive outbursts.

❛❛ Dick, listen to me. This is NOT your fault, you didn't know. You did everything you could. ❜❜ Wally tried to soothe him, his grip on him becoming firmer. He wished he could believe that but it was really hard to, he promised his siblings things he admittedly knew he couldn't fulfill. He promised Jason a brother to lean on but never showed up to be there for him. They had more banter and arguments than they did casual talks, the only way he dragged Jason anywhere was by full force blackmail. Which, going back at it wasn't a smart option. He never ran after Jason when he was upset thinking he would get over it because he didn't want to enact his temper knowing damn well that he could've probably handled it.

❛❛ It's not that simple, Wally. I saw some signs, and they were so obvious too. I didn't try to have a relationship with him. I was too busy with my own shit to even care about his when he clearly needed me to❜❜He admitted, was he shaking? Probably. He pushed himself off the other, but still keeping a close distance between the two of them. He kept his hands on Wally's biceps as he took in slow breaths.

❛❛ Still not your fault dude, Jason and you are two grown-ass men. You guys were never forced to have a relationship like you two should've had when you two were younger. Besides the fact you guys never had the best emotional role model raising you. You guys not having a relationship was pretty inevitable. What happened is no one's fault. ❜❜ Wally reaffirmed, his voice clear as day as he forced dick to look at him, he moved his hands to wipe the tears off his face. He wished he could agree with Wally on this one, he knew that his best friend meant well but Wally didn't know him as well as he thought he did. The problems this family has with each other is deeper than just not growing up with each other because if that was the case they would've been fine. Especially since Jason and he were starting to get along before his death. Fuck - they all willingly lay their lives down to protect the innocent weekly, it shouldn't be that hard to be a fucking family. It goes deep through waves of abuse, lack of communication, apathy, instability, mental health, morals.

Dick wasn't going to front, those words did help him out a bit. He turned the faucet back on to wash his face, as a way to calm himself down. He truly needed to get his shit together to go outside and deal with everything else. God knows he was the only one able to keep some semblance of their family together.

❛❛ It's just. . . I don't want to lose him, Wally. I don't want to continue living my life knowing my brother is dead. ❜❜He expressed, wiping his face dry. He took in a deep shaky breath to keep his composure. Wally squeezed his shoulder in understanding. He wanted to make things right with Jason, he wanted to apologize for so many things. He wanted his brother to come to see him on Saturdays for dinner, he wanted to hear his light gravelly voice make fun of him for whatever stupid thing he did. He missed Jason's rare awkward smile and hearing the click of his guns in the background. He wanted to see more of it, he wants it so much he could drown in it.

❛❛ I get it buddy but Jason's going to be okay. He's tough as nails, and I don't think Roy's gonna let him go out without a few words.❜❜ He encouraged, he couldn't help but stifle a laugh at the end. Roy was a bit of a drama queen when he wanted to be, there was no way in hell he was gonna just let this slide. Especially with Jason, those two had some deep history together.

❛❛ yea no, that's a straight fact. ❜❜he agreed, feeling some tension slip off of him. He rubbed at his eyes feeling on his puffy eyelids, he was so drained. Wally clasped his back as they both exited the bathroom, Dick making a beeline for his socks and some slides he was sure were in the closet. Wally helped him tidy up some of his old clothes, and he grabbed his phone turning it back on.

His phone immediately started buzzing up like crazy. Showing all of his old and new notifications, he had some more recent messages from Barbara and donna. Roy is the most recent texting him five minutes ago saying he was 10 minutes away. He couldn't stifle a groan, Wally snickered in the background as he groaned in exhaustion.

❛❛ Someone's a little famous ❜❜ he teased, dick sent him a glare. Which, made him laugh a little bit more. He shoved his phone into his pocket as he and Wally made it out the room and into the hallway towards the living room.

Where they met with the tiny crowd that consisted of the two leaguers and Dick's family. Tim was talking to barry who was just listening in closely on the details. While Diana seemed to be having a smooth conversation with Stephanie and Cass, noticing Stephanie's puffy eyes and Cass's solemn expressions. It seemed like the amazonian warrior was able to touch some bases with the two of them.

He and Wally stopped at the center of the room, catching both of the older leaguer's attention. He gave them an awkward smile as they rushed to his side.

Diana quickly enveloping him in a hug. He was really happy that Wally gave him that talk before letting him come out here. It was already hard not to break down with just them looking at him. He hesitantly wrapped his hands lightly around the amazon.

❛❛ How are you? ❜❜ Diana asked him, concern written all over her tone. Dick couldn't help but snort, he didn't know how many answers he had for that question.

❛❛ I could be better right now ❜❜ he responded, his eyes met with Cass's from the side. Concern written over the female bat's face, he knew they were also going to have a conversation about the past days as well. Cass had the gift of being able to read people, she could easily look through all of their masks and look at what's going on deep inside of them. Even the ones who put up the best acts couldn't surpass her.

Diana pulled back from her hug and opted for caressing his cheek. Diana always had a calming effect on her powerful self, being able to calm down the most intimidated with her authority. He knew she meant well, all of them did, what happened was a complete tragedy. It just seemed hypocritical that they all seemed to care now but were constantly threatening to bring Jason in just a few months ago, where was this support when Jason lost his friends to the explosion of their base? why have a change of heart now?

❛❛ How's Jason? ❜❜ Barry askedWally, sent him a quick glare at the question. He was probably looking out for his mental health, he just broke down a few minutes ago just by him asking about how he was, he didn't know the reaction he would have about asking about his little brother, he appreciated the gesture but nonetheless, he responded.

❛❛ So far so good. ❜❜ he quickly said, letting the weight of the words fall. He saw the relief fill their expressions with the confirmation. ❛❛ He's stable and recovering, they were able to take him off life support and last time I checked they said he may wake up soon. ❜❜ He informed. A relieved laugh flew out of Barry's mouth and Diana looked up and smiled.

❛❛ Thank Hera for looking out for our loved one ❜❜ Diana announced, he couldn't disagree chuckling at the remark and nodding in agreement. Diana has always been the one closest to Jason, she has always given him the benefit of the doubt in terms of his work in vigilantism. She was always able to sympathize, as they were so alike in that area that she didn't have much to stand on. However, it didn't take away the fact that she still stood by Bruce after everything clearly incriminating him. She was part of putting a bounty on Jason's neck just like they all were at one point.

❛❛ That brother of yours is really a strong one, he always bounces back ❜❜ Barry complimented, he paused for a moment to contemplate it over. Jason had always been able to bounce back physically, of course, he had everybody beat on that but it seemed like every time he came back a piece of him died with him.

❛❛ He's going to get through this Dick, we're all available to help ❜❜ Diana offered, a small smile gracing her lips. He was thankful for their support, if not skeptical of their change of heart. Was it guilt that enveloped them like it did the rest of them? The realization that they all helped the man that had a play in being abusive? Did they replay the tapes of Jason getting beaten relentlessly by Bruce the night of penguin and did it FINALLY click? Nevertheless, at least they were able to be emotionally available for them, they were able to care and hold responsibility. If only Bruce was just a little bit more like them maybe they wouldn't be in this situation right now in the first place.

❛❛ Thank you guys, Seriously. We all really appreciate it. ❜❜ Dick thanked them, the first genuine smile he's had for a while graced his features. As much as it would be great to disregard them, the support really did mean a lot to him, right now his family needed some attention.e. The feeling of support made the whole situation much more bearable.

Cass nodded from behind them as she crept closer to dick. Stephanie agreed, wiping the tears from under her eyes.

❛❛ yea no really, thank you all. It really makes this whole shitshow less shitty. ❜❜ Steph backed him, a soft laugh slipping her lips.

For a few moments, there was just this relaxing calmness that was trapped in the room. Dick discussed some of the minor details of what transpired to barry and Diana when there was a knock at the door.

❛❛ I got it ❜❜ Wally called out, moving toward the door. Dick looked over mentally preparing himself for whoever is going to walk through the front. Wally unlocked the front door to show Clark standing outside, he was a bit taken aback to see wally but still came in, passing the speedster making a beeline straight towards him.

The league leader stood right before him, not knowing what to say. When he was about to open his mouth to speak, Dick raised his arms in pause.

❛❛ whatever you do, do not ask me how I'm feeling. ❜❜ he demands carefully, he hoped he didn't come off rude but he is utterly sure someone would get suplexed across the room if he got asked that question one more time.

Clark seemed to get the message without any hard feelings. Opting to pat him on the shoulder in a way to ease him.

❛❛ I'm happy to see that you and your family are functioning. ❜❜ Clark settled with giving him an understanding smile. Dick could handle that one, nodding in agreement. Speaking on family, he found it quite odd that he hasn't seen Damian around, he knew the boy was pretty reserved about the situation and he doubted that he would've stuck around the living room long enough for Dick to wake up, but he found it off that he wasn't out from where he has hidden. It was definite that the baby bird has not gone to bed, out of all of them he and Cassandra have been the most functional of them all.

❛❛ Bruce is in the master bedroom ❜❜ He informed them nonchalantly, crossing his arms. He wanted them to get this meeting over with for them to continue on with their plans with Jason. He noticed the frown that curved in Clark's mouth along with some apologetic faces from Barry and Diana, did he come off too cold with his response? Probably but he hoped not.

❛❛ Dick . . . ❜❜ Clark started off, guilt fixating his face. Dick didn't seem to care though, they were clearly here to talk to Bruce and as amazing it is for them to pay their respects and support, it doesn’t take away from their main goal. He simply shrugged it off.

❛❛ no no, I get it, I know this is about Bruce.You guys are just doing your job. No need to feel any type of way. ❜❜ he reassured, he still saw the guilt in their face but it was less obvious now.

❛❛ Well, we'll be out of your hair once Oliver is able to get here.It won't take long. ❜❜ Clark informed the rest of them nodded in agreement. He sucked on his teeth,when Oliver gets here that means dealing with Roy, and no matter how quick this meeting goes for them. He'll still have to deal with his brother's ex-boyfriend. He definitely had words for him as well, he thought they were best friends at one point. He should've worked with him on Jason, or at least let him know he needed help when he decided to leave. Roy knew he was a good man, and he knew that he loved his brothers. He was Jason's boyfriend but he was his best friend first, he should've been able to come and confess to him especially when it came to somebody they both loved.

❛❛ I'm sure they're not going to take long ❜❜ Tim suggested, his voice was nasally and congested. Dick gave him a curt nod and a glance. He wondered if Tim has been able to even get a nap in, that was the point of coming here.

It was like a ripple effect was happening. There was a knock on the door once again, this time Diana who was the closest to the door, opened the door expectantly to see the infamous queen family.

Oliver was the first one to walk through the door, wearing Grey slacks and a green dress shirt. He nodded in acknowledgment towards dick who did the same and then made a b line towards Clark, probably to quickly discuss the meeting. However, to his surprise, he was met with Damian rushing in with Jon right after, much to his surprise. He was terribly confused on why his brother was even with the Queen's anyways, he never cared for Roy's existence and finds Oliver really agitating. The only person he was okay with was Emiko and he told him that she was at titans tower right now.

❛❛ Damian? What were you doing outside? — ❜❜ Tim questioned before Dick was able to get a word out, moving toward his brother to check up on him, having both of them received partial glances in shock. Tim has NEVER cared to check up on Damian before, it kinda came with the package of their conundrum of a relationship. Jon was behind his brother as looked at the two boys in shock.

❛❛ Jon?❜❜ Clark questioned, eyes glaring in on his very discomposed son. Who shrugged his shoulders and kept close to Damian. Cassandra went to help Tim trying to crowd on them.

❛❛Dad, I can explain — ❜❜he pleaded from a distance. That was going to be a really fun explanation, I think they're all gonna want to be there to hear it.

❛❛ None of your business, Drake.❜❜ swatting off Timothy's hand from his face, he yanked his best friend away from the older teen. Moving towards Dick with a fury in his eyes. Yet, before he could even voice any of his outrage on him, he was cut off by one special redhead.

Roy.

❛❛ GRAYSON, just the man I'm looking for!❜❜ Roy yelled as entered the apartment, rage seethed through his emerald eyes as he made eye contact with him. Dick took a step back in shock, was Roy really going to do this now? In front of everybody? So much for Wally's skills of persuasion.

❛❛ Roy!❜❜ Dinah reprimanded entering alongside him, she reached to smack the back of the archer's head but failed as Roy flailed through them. ❛ So much for them being out of my hair.❜ Dick thought to himself sarcastically.

❛❛no no, Dinah it's okay ❜❜ Dick reassured, he grit through his teeth as bubbles of agitation and aggression surfaced through him, leave it up to Roy Harper to make him simmer like a sea pent volcano.

❛❛ I thought you told me he wouldn't be so mad ❜❜ Dick aggressively whispered to his best friend beside him. Wally had the audacity to look sheepish,rubbing the back of his neck in awkwardness. He knew his best friend tried his best, he always did when it came to the three of them.

❛❛ he hasn't tried to assault you so I think he's just agitated.❜❜ Wally tried to reason, the response was completely valid but it didn't take away from the fact that he still has a very aggressive archer in his living room with the world's finest heroes staring stupefied directly at him.

❛❛ You know I outta slap the holy god shit out of you right now, Grayson. How the fuck are you going to ghost me about this shit! ❜❜ Roy boomed from across the room. The redhead pushed past the leaguers without care, throwing his bag to the side as he marched his little archer ass straight towards him. He gulped down the excess saliva, feeling the dormant adrenaline now pumping through his veins, he was sure that he actually had a vein popping out right now. So this is how Bruce probably felt every time some dumb shit gets pulled in his face, huh?

❛❛ Roy not the time.❜❜ This time it was Oliver trying to warn his son off, of course, it didn't work because Roy was still posturing against him like he was some crook trying to steal from his nonexistent child.

❛ _oh, you have some fucking nerve_ ❜ Dick thought to himself as he was taken aback by the threat. He understood Roy's frustration but there is NO WAY in _HELL_ that he was going to be the one he takes it out on. He didn't have to see the mess his brother had been in that night, he didn't have his blood on his shirt as a reminder of that night, he didn't have the luxury of constant anxiety creeping over him. Roy if anything got off LUCKY that he was miles away from Jason and had someone else be there to take it on.

❛❛ You really want to kick MY ass ? ❜❜ he couldn't help but let out the aggressive laugh that bubbled up in his throat. He should kick ROY'S ass for a LOT of things concerning everything that has happened. A great example is keeping Jason's information private from all of them, not telling HIM about Jason being completely alone and struggling. While HE got to lick his wounds in California and recover.

❛❛ That's my fucking brother in the hospital you asshead, the one YOU isolated me from and you know what? I think I'm allowed to mourn a bit on it, considering I WAS the one. Who had to CARRY him down FLIGHTS of stairs while his veins were CUT OPEN and DRUGS WERE IN HIS STOMACH. What were you doing during all of this, Roy? You don't even have a leg to stand on this, you guys broke UP.You're lucky you're even fucking here. ❜❜ He yelled out, aggression clear for everyone to see. He saw the clear shock in everybody's expression with the details he just belted out but right now he was too angry to allow any reason to calm him. He knew Roy has seen some of there family demons and especially with Jason. He acknowledged that he also had his fair share of patching his baby brother up and at times even himself but he had no right to try to fight him on this. He was tired and he needed the rest and god fucking Damn him for trying to blame him for it.

Clearly, the details of Jason did have an impact on him, as his expression faltered and he started to tap his finger on his bicep. Roy always got jittery when he was stressed out. ❛❛ Yeah well, that's my EX that I spent a good portion of my LIFE with, and believe it or not, I don't betray the people I CARE ABOUT when shit GETS HARD.IM NOT THE ONE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ABANDONED BECAUSE let's FACE IT, IF YOU ALL REALLY GAVE A FUCK ABOUT HIM YOU WOULD'VE ACTUALLY FUCKING FOUND HIM. So if you do or DON'T mind I'm allowed to punch your fucking face in right now for GHOSTING ME WHEN JASON'S OUT IN A HOSPITAL NEARLY DYING FROM SELF INFLICTED WOUNDS ❜❜ Roy barked back, getting closer into Dick's space. One of them was going to bug out soon and he doesn't know who was going to be able to stop them because everybody in the room apparently didn't have limbs to stop either of them

❛❛ dick just leave it alone — ❜❜ Stephanie tried to reason, her voice was calm but it was clear she was getting aggravated too. He really felt kinda bad for acting this way in front of his family, the last thing they needed was to see an explosive argument with him on the forefront but Roy and he have been building this tension up for MONTHS. The small bickering they had between titan missions, the clear disapproval Dick had for him showed in so many ways just as much as Roy's disdain for him. He would even say that this went back years to when they were just teenagers, even when things were simpler and Roy would check up on him and be there for him, there was always a playful competition between them. The competition of their charm and attitudes, being the only non-powered ones on the team. They were similar in all the wrong areas and different in all the right. Roy was understanding but rational, he would listen to you for hours and still be able to give you the best advice but won't take your guilt. While Dick was always sympathetic but demanding, he would sit down with you and feel with you but still want you to get him and do what needs to be done even if it would end up hurting you in a different way but it would be okay because he'd be there with you. It sounded sweet and simple until they actually put it into action and see how much of it clashed. There was no doubt that it was all going to be laid out now.

❛❛ You know what harper? I should throw you out this fucking window for not telling me about Jason's problems, out of EVERYONE who should've had an idea at least is me. Who knows what I could've done to help him? You're supposed to be my best friend. Yet, you have the audacity to talk to me about ghosting when it's MY family that's in danger. ❜❜ he growled out, taking a step forward shoving the older male hard enough for him to fall back. His being pissed was an understatement, he was absolutely LIVID at this point. Everything was off the table, if Roy had the audacity to try to do this right now in Infront of everybody then he'll gladly oblige. He was always a showboy and one thing he knows how to do is entertain an audience.

" Okay, I think we all can agree we're all a little emotional right now. " Barry intervened his voice sharp and domineering, and unfortunately had no effect on the two grown men.

❛❛ Funny how you always say you want to help Jason but never really pull through, though? You're nothing but a fantasy Dick. You make white promises that you never follow up on. You've always been daddy's little fucking bitch and I can't see you not ever running back to him with your hands between your fucking legs. ❜❜ Roy countered, shoving him right back and it was quite harder than he was. Tiny gasps enveloped the room at the counter remark, it was definitely a hit to the neck and it hurt like a bitch.

❛❛ Roy that's out of line, you need to stop. ❜❜ Wally finally intervened, grabbing on Roy's arm but the ginger has his eyes quite set on a certain acrobat and Roy wasn't one to let anybody stop him. He pushed against Wally's hold vehemently, nearly escaping.

❛❛ I don't understand how you think that you really know how to help Jason when you never even knew how to help yourself.You know, I'm actually starting to fucking wonder if those drugs you took had a large psychological impact on your fucking brain because it seems like you've gotten down to your last fucking brain cell.❜❜ Dick snarled right back, putting his whole weight on top of the older male as he tackled him to the floor. His fist collided with Roy's jaw as he felt a sharp pain in his torso. They were twisting and turning on the ground as their fists went flying into each-other. All that pent up aggression towards each other finally being set free.

" Hey! " Oliver barked towards dick " that has NOTHING to do with this conversation and if you two can get off of your bullshit right now you'll know that we're here for the same fucking thing. Now get the fuck off of each other " Oliver yelled moving towards pulling the two apart. He was pretty sure one of them slammed into the coffee table at this point but he couldn't be sure.

❛❛You got some fuckin NERVE on talking about that acting like you bats don't play human wack a mole with each other.❜❜Roy barked out as Oliver and Wally yanked him off of his person. He thrashed against there hold not being done with their fight. Dick went for the lunge but felt him being pulled back and up by Clark.

❛❛ ENOUGH WITH THE BOTH OF YOU ALREADY. ❜❜ it was Clark who spoke, pulling dick up from his spot on the floor and pushing the both of them away from each other. Dick still had his eyes set on Roy and it was likewise for the other.He hasn't reacted like that in a while and it was pretty foreign. Let it be known he always had a temper and today happened to be the worst day to test it.

❛❛ Out of all of us, you both clearly should be the ones working together. Not against each other, pull yourselves together, and come to terms that you both just want the one you love to be okay. ❜❜ Diana reasoned, her voice echoing through the whole penthouse. She was clearly agitated with the whole situation. She was also right as much as Dick didn't want to admit it. It seemed like her words also resonated with Roy, as he dropped his stance in defeat.

" Just get me to the fucking hospital," Roy demanded, straightening his shirt as he huffed. As much as he still wanted to punch Roy's face, he could at least do that for him. He begrudgingly nodded, waving the archer off.

Dick sighed, turning away from the mess to his siblings. Cassandra had a harsh glare set on Roy, she looked like she was ready to attack him. Steph luckily had her hand on her shoulder, helping her cool down. Roy was the least of there problems and was better an ally than an enemy. He was probably the only person who would get to Jason without seething him off and if it was true Jason would wake up soon, they were gonna need to act fast and coordinated if they thought they were going to get a chance to see him.

He turned away to see Clark talking to Damian and Jon, a disgruntled sigh escaping his lips with his hands pinching the bridge of his nose. Jon was able to look more sheepish than before and Damian couldn't stop glaring his way. He could already feel the painful conversation they were going to have, looking away choosing not to deal with his youngest brother at the moment. He looked away from them and towards the front, seeing a man come from the hallway only to be pleasantly surprised at who it was.

❛❛ What are you all doing in my apartment?❜❜ A familiar Grovelly voice sounded out through the living room.

* * *

** _BRUCE'S POV_ **

** _LOCATION; BRUCE'S PENTHOUSE_ **

** _TIME: 6:00_ **

Bruce knew he shouldn't be doing this to himself, that it's wrong that he was sorting through a voluminous amount of Wayne enterprise paperwork with a half-empty bottle of whiskey by his side. It was wrong for him to be bottling all of his feelings inside to the point where he was physically sick. He knew he should be outside, being there for his kids and taking care of the remains of his family. Making sure that they were cared for and accounted for, and showing them he appreciated them so much even if he was a stiff bitch about it.

So when he dragged himself to the living room to be met with his league teammates, his eldest son with a busted lip and a room filled with tension. Bruce thought it was pretty justifiable to be pretty pissed off and a tad bit confused.

❛❛ What are you all doing in my apartment? ❜❜ He demanded, his raspy voice echoed throughout the room. All eyes turning towards him, feelings of unease circulating through his body. 

He knew there was going to be a meeting, but when Diana told him about it, she left out the ' ambushing him in his own place a whole day after his son tried to die' part and he was honestly going to confront her about that.

"Brucie baby, what a lovely surprise for you to join us. " Oliver chimed in, a false smile gracing his lips, his hands out in a welcoming stance. The majority of the league near him as Barry glared holes in him, he honestly was pretty shocked the speedster could do that. Clark looked furious as he was also sending him a scowl and Diana looked like she was ready to wrangle him down and take a kill shot. Dinah was the only one out of all of them who was looking a little bit sympathetic towards him.

He was too tired to deal with their crap, ignoring his team to look at where Dick was standing with one Wally west caring for him, his daughters hovering protectively around them and a wild Roy Harper also glaring daggers straight into him. 

He sighed, his eyes furrowing in annoyance " My room. Now." He gritted out, turning back to his quarters hearing footsteps follow suit. He was forever grateful that none of his children, plus the redheaded boys didn't try to stop them.

They reached his room with ease, with him slamming the door open in with such a harshness it was surprising it didn't break. They all followed suit, none of their bitter expressions leaving their faces when they entered. 

"you have no business being here. " He gritted out, turning around to face them, yet his eyes met with no one. They didn't have authority in Gotham, and he has tried to keep the least amount of contact with all of them, he has shown multiple times he didn't want shit to do with them, and here they are. 

" Good to see you too Bruce. It's nice to know that your son is off life support. " Oliver huffed out sarcastically, earning a quick glare from him. 

" We heard what happened" Clark started off coldly as if it already wasn't obvious. 

"The kids told us the details. where were you in all of this? I thought you told us you and Jason were fine" he continued to investigate, of course, they would try and blame Jason trying to kill himself on him. It was the easiest route to take considering all the hostility he and his second son had throughout the years.

" We are." He sneered, his expression softening slightly. He genuinely thought they were, he believed talking to Jason in the diner was enough. Jay always reassured him he understood and it was all forgiven, he just assumed that it actually was. The last day proved just how wrong he was. Dick's words reappearing fresh in his psyche. 

" I didn't make him do this if that's what you're implying" he countered, recovering back into his defenses. He didn't need everyone scrutinizing him for what his son willingly did to himself. He cared about Jason more than all of them combined, that was his son in the hospital. They couldn’t even recognize the amount of pain he’s endured ever since Jason has came back.

" No one's saying that" Dinah cut in quickly, her voice filled with awareness for him. She appeared to be the only one who was willing to hear everyone’s side on this. It was likely her own experience with Roy allowed her to be more sympathetic towards him, even if he didn’t deserve it.

" It was implied."

"Don't try and make yourself the victim" Diana bellowed, her presence was the most adverse considering how she had such a soft spot for his son. The aftermath of his resurrection was quite a tough blow on her like it was for him. The predicament he was in now was no different for her.

“I’m not” he deadpanned, his voice indistinct. “ but I have the right to call out whatever blame game this is.” He emphasized at the crowd of heroes before him. He shoved down the empty feeling that gutted his stomach and erased the thoughts of unimaginable sadness from his mind.

“Jason and I have a complicated relationship but I would’ve never had wanted him to hurt himself the way he did. I only want the best for him” he clarified solemnly 

“ so that’s why you nearly beat him to death a few months back? Because you want the best for him? that makes sense.” Clark was really on a roll with his interrogation skills, that wife of his was really rubbing off on him.

Bruce wasn’t able to hide the intense wince that circulated in him. He’ll admit that wasn’t his proudest moment and he regrets losing his control that night. Jason didn’t deserve any of that, he should’ve at least listened to his boy before brawling it out in such a savage way.

Regardless of whether he deserved it or not, Jason shouldn’t have sabotaged his trust that night. He didn’t realize how hurt he was that he was willing to backstab him for a minor rogue. He trusted Jason to stay in line and follow him, he already lost so much of his son since that night in Ethiopia, he couldn’t bear losing more of him to a stupid crime war. It was Jason’s fault for being so damn stubborn.

“ you don’t get to talk about our relationship Clark, your son is privileged enough to have two parents at home and to be born within love and understanding. I didn’t get to have that, Jason certainly didn’t get to have that. I did what was best for him under the circumstances we were in. Jason was out of line that night and I did what I could to bring him down” he explained, desperation slipping into his voice. Certainly, his son was quite alright and the damage hadn’t been too extreme since he was back to fighting a month after.

“ Bring him down? You put him in a coma for a week!” Oliver revealed, his voice ranged so loud he was sure the kids heard him from the living room.

His mouth went dry at the statement, that couldn’t be right. Sure he was far too brutal that night but he was sure he didn’t cause enough devastation for Jason to be in a coma, he knew how strong Jason prevailed, he could’ve taken it.

“ Don’t be an idiot queen. I didn’t hit him that hard, I know how much Jason could take. ” he defended, trying to mask any bits of doubt he had with a monotone voice. Oliver was just trying to get under his skin, the older male was just waiting for him to crack.

An abhorrent sensation encircled the bedroom from what was said, the unwelcoming fronts his teammates directed at him, were now replaced with ones of dismay and offense. 

“ you didn’t hit him that hard? ” Barry repeated incredulously, stepping forward. His face trained on him with such veracity if he wasn’t trained to hold his ground he would’ve crumbled mercilessly. To be able to get Barry in a state like this meant you seriously fucked up.

“ Can you even comprehend how fucked up that is for you to say about your own son?” He ranted on, if they were in a cartoon, piping hot steam would be coming out of the speedsters’ ears.

“ As a father, the thought of even putting a hand on your child should disgust you. The fact that you even tried to excuse beating your child with how much they can endure is just fucking deplorable.” He reprimanded severely, anger seethed through Barry’s body as his hands were fidgeting.

“ you don’t understand how Jason gets –” he tries to explain but was cut off mid-sentence by the speedster.

” I don’t care how he gets!” he explodes on him. “ Jason clearly isn’t Beyond fucking reason. You just want to control him!” He reveals, his voice rising with every word he said, he was on a rampage right now, anything he said at this point would be disregarded.

“ I don’t care how badly Wally and I fight or how horribly my nephew fucks up. I would never willingly lay a hand on him, especially as hard as you’ve hit Jason. We brought them into this life, whatever happens to them no matter how independent they become is our fault.” Barry growls out, synchronized nods followed suit at his words, he knew he was right and that’s what made it all worse.

What could he say to explain his side? He tried to hide the shudder that went through his body, pinching the bridge of his nose to calm his nerves down. Too many emotions were clouding his mind, he mentally fought to keep himself in control.

They just didn’t understand him, he wanted to be a better father. He never wanted to hit Jason or dick or any of his children. Jason just brought out this side in him where he would lose control and not be able to regain it until hours later. Bruce already had to struggle everyday with his mental state, he couldn’t deal with Jason’s health along with his own.

“ Tim mentioned that the rooftop incident wasn’t the only time you’ve nearly killed Jason.” Diana indicated, her words made of steal. Whatever Diana said was basically law and he knew that they would most likely ask for the messages, especially if the children didn’t show them already.

His breath hitched and he felt his heart stop pounding, it was like a kid getting his hand caught in a cookie jar. All of his most regrettable moments were coming to light and he was terrified of the endless consequences they would bring down on him.

They clearly didn’t care at all about him, he was collateral. No matter how many times Jason tried to kill him, or how many despicable actions he’s committed. Jason would always be the one who needed to be protected in their eyes, not him, never him.

His silence was all the confirmation they needed, the energy of contempt amplified within his quarters.

“ You don’t deserve those kids out there.” Barry finalized grimly, moving further away from the bat.

“ I’m surprised they all didn’t try to kill themselves off sooner.” Oliver commented grimly, the obvious fact no one else in the room had the balls to say

“ What did you do, Bruce? ” Dinah questioned, her voice filled with deep concern and hints of apprehension.

“ What. did. you. do?” she repeated more venom in her tone, he noticed the increase in tension in her shoulders she was ready to aim for him.

“One time, during a fight when Jason came back and was terrorizing Gotham..” He paused, taking in a breath.

Mentally preparing himself for the reaction he was going to get. He hated thinking about that night and buried it down in his mind.

“ I lost control and I threw a Batarang into his neck.” He confessed the weight of his words was supposed to be relieving.

Finally speaking about it should’ve been a therapeutic moment that allowed the darkness hoarded up from that night forth to just come out of him. Yet instead it felt like someone was choking him, the realization of his words had him drowning in regret and confusion.

He spaced out for a moment, not realizing the gasps and shocked expressions. The only thing that snapped him out of it was the harsh clash of Diana’s fist knocking him in his jaw, sending him flying back towards his bed falling limp.

“ How could you do that to your own son” The Amazonian roared out, Clark was restraining her from plunging into him. Part of him was extremely grateful for him not allowing her to do so, and his other half was disappointed he wouldn’t get the punishment he deserves.

Diana has all the right to hurt him at this moment, and Barry was right that he didn’t deserve his kids. He was incapable of taking care of them and all he ever did was hurt them, but they didn’t realize how hard it is for him to let go. They all helped him in so many ways and they all have a part to play in him being alive. They were all his lifelines, they couldn’t be taken away from him.

“ Diana enough” Dinah tried to rationalize, the canary simply trying to mediate the whole situation. He was sure that any sympathy she had for him was gone at this point but considering she was the one with more than one brain cell, she understood how necessary it was to keep everyone calm.

“ What the fuck is wrong with you? I never thought you of all people would turn out like this.” Oliver conceded, a shocked expression masked with resentment graced his face.

He grimaced from the words, he and Oliver never had a stable relationship but they knew just enough about each other from decades of friendship for Oliver to see just how much declination he’s had.

“ what do you have to say about all of this” he muttered towards Clark, who shared a disappointed look toward him. Might as well rub salt on his wounds, and hear it all out now. 

“ you need to get help, Bruce.” The older male said plainly, his eyes still trained on him with his hand still gripping Diana’s arm.

Bruce was honestly quite shocked at the confession, he was expecting him to shout and insult him, tell him how horrible he is and how bad of a father he has become. He was ready to be called worthless and for him to make the call and abandon him.

“ you don’t know what I need” he shut down, his mouth working against him.

Why would he say that? Of course, Clark knew what he needs, from everything he’s confessed, all the time he probably lashed out on him, the years of playing with his emotions, and the lack of communication he’s shown. Something was wrong with him and he's known it for years but ignored it. He's heard it from everyone that gets close enough to him that’s it become a mantra in his head.

“ You’re right — because if you were any other person you would’ve been rotting in the deepest prison I could find, but I know you too well to understand that something wrong with you that’s making you do this. You’re imbalanced, you need to see somebody.”

The words struck him like a venom laced bullet and tore him apart like a double-edged sword.

“ Until I find you the proper medical care you’re not being left alone with any of the kids. Not even Dick, you are not to patrol at all either. I’m going to call Alfred for him to make sure you don’t have any access to the caves. Whatever you think you had under your control is now under the leagues’ control.” Clark ordered, he was using his superman voice.

“ You don’t get to do that, I fund every single one of you. You can’t even begin to understand how easy it is for me to override whatever code you place in”

“ Don’t be a bitch, you don’t fund shit for me and I pay half the necessary amount.” Oliver retorted aggressively, the blonde archer making a move to attack him but was stopped by Barry.

“ we’ll also be needing your message logs and if I find out any more instances of abuse towards Jason or any of your other kids, so help me god Bruce” Clark finalized his demands, His eyes still not moving away from him.

He sighed, emotionally and physically drained of all of his energy. He couldn’t keep this up anymore, stress was in his veins at this point. No one told him this was how he was going to go down, that his own friends and family would betray him.

“ You’re going to fix the damage you’ve done to that boy and going to apologize to all of your other children as well. Children are not stress balls, you don’t get you use them for your anger management” Dinah informed him, sighing softly, the lines on her face becoming more prominent

“ We’ll leave you to your thoughts, think long and hard how you want to continue with this. Whatever bits of your night life and family depends on it.” Dinah spoke, her tone more lawful than the last few instances and everyone seemed to fall into.

“ We’ll all circle back in this tomorrow, At this point everyone needs a little rest” Barry concluded finally being able to calm down from earlier.

A few moments passed, until they all left his quarters to go tend to the kids, not one of them leaving without sending a glare his way, they left him alone in his thoughts. 

He kicked off his shoes and removed half of the satin comforter from his bed and laid down to cover himself. His nose hurts and his vision was blurry, his mind raced with thoughts and worry.

He didn’t realize the hot streaks running down his cheeks and he drifted off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the fic , please leave some comments down below and just tell me your thoughts :') . Thank you again for reading and stay blessed


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